The Witch Nichang- Chapter 91 Think

The Witch Nichang– Chapter 91

Think

It wasn’t long ago that Lian’er was telling me that the reason she wanted someone by her side wasn’t that she wanted someone to worry all day about how to protect her. But what she didn’t know was that most of the time, this person already had to give everything they had just to not be a burden to her. 

What was ironic was even when giving everything she had, the result often went against expectations.

I felt frustrated, even embarrassed. It wasn’t about my ego or anything. I once promised her to stand by her side, even in death. Saying that didn’t just mean having the determination to be with her even in death, but also the capability to stand by her side. If I burdened her or tied her down, holding her back from spreading her wings, then this promise is better left unspoken. 

She didn’t need a person of use to her, but I had to become someone of use to her. These two things weren’t contradictory. But I didn’t know how to explain this to her, and I reckoned she wouldn’t even listen.

Towards the end of that day, Lian’er ended up agreeing to go with Old Tie, but it seemed she was doing it out of spite more than anything. In the days that followed, she would go out early and come back late. When she came into the room, she always had a straight face. She barely spoke a few words before closing her eyes to meditate. Only when I tried to talk to her would she say one or two words in reply.

I thought she was angry with me and that she would soon get over it, but it had been a few days, and she didn’t seem to be getting over it. This never happened before apart from the time she one-sidedly had beef with me when she was a kid. I had to face the fact that I had really upset her. It left me at a loss because this was the first time that there was a conflict between her expectations of me and my expectations of her.

However, I couldn’t back down on matters of principle despite not having any other good way to face her. So, all I could think of now was to make peace with her and show her with time that I could stand by her, not someone who needed to live under her protection and hold her back from soaring high. 

So, even if I had to upset Lian’er for now, that was how it was. I could only hope that she would understand me soon and then would appreciate it.

Apart from this minor hiccup with Lian’er, it had been a few rather pleasant days. A couple of days ago, the wound on my head had been torturing me, but it had been getting better. With sufficient rest and hydration, the random nosebleeds had never occurred again. Old Tie and Lian’er would go out every day to gather information. When I was alone, the young guide would often visit me with some refreshing fruits and nuts and chat with me, so I didn’t feel lonely.

Unfortunately, Lian’er was still angry with me. Every night when she returned, she wouldn’t even touch the sweet fruits I left especially for her, and I could do nothing with her. 

Another thing I could do nothing about was the speed of my recovery. If possible, I wanted to get better quickly and join them since it was the main purpose of this journey. But it had been five days. Other than not feeling sick anymore, my body still felt weak, not having much strength in me. 

Despite feeling anxious about this, I didn’t want to rush things. Rushing always messed things up, so I could only meditate every day following a fixed routine, and I spent the rest of the time on two boring activities, zoning out and gazing out the window at the scenery. 

The tapestries and large pillows, the stained glass window and the grapevine, these might seem exotic to people from the Central Plains, but to me, they were nothing new. I got bored with them after some time. 

But I would always hear people singing and dancing every other day or so. It came from the courtyard outside the west window, the innkeeper’s personal courtyard. The Uyghurs were known for their singing and dancing. In the afternoons, when it wasn’t busy, I could always see a group of people get together or sit in the corridor or under the grape arbor, chatting and enjoying some fruits and dairy snacks they had prepared. When the mood struck, they would play the hand drum, the innkeeper would play some instrument and sing, and the others would join in and dance. The music had an upbeat and lively rhythm, filling the courtyard with joy. 

I found this unexpected event a little annoying at first, but as time went on and when the restlessness and boredom set in, I pushed open the windows and looked out. I began to find it delightful and interesting watching these people singing and dancing, being carefree. After that, I didn’t mind watching this play out every day.

As I did so for the next two days, I, the audience by the corner window, caught the attention of the group, not to mention there was a familiar face among the people entertaining themselves. The young guide, who claimed to be a friend of the innkeeper, was naturally among them. Even since he noticed me, he would bow at the window from a distance, extending a warm invite to me. Despite me pointing at my head injury and shaking my head to decline his offer every time, he never seemed discouraged and would extend the same warmth again the next time. 

Today marked the fifth day since arriving in this foreign land. I didn’t know how it was going out there, but my days continued to be monotonous and uneventful. As usual in the afternoon, the sounds of revelry and music came from beneath the grape arbor. The guide was also present. After the customary failed invitation, he didn’t seem disheartened. Instead, with the encouragement of others, he picked up the unique-looking Uyghur instrument and began playing and singing a song with an upbeat melody.

I couldn’t understand what he was singing as he was singing in Uyghur. At first, I listened by the window with a smile, but gradually, I started feeling something was off. Not only did the young man gaze at me as he was singing, but also those around him who were cheering him, despite their joviality, turned their attention to me and glanced at me from time to time. Besides their hospitable nature, the air seemed to emanate an ambiguous… affection. 

Sensing that, a thought crossed my mind. I looked again at the singing young man and thought of his recent enthusiasm and warmth. Suddenly, I felt the smile on my face froze.

But no matter what I thought, it was still a good-natured gesture, so I continued to listen without moving until it was over. Then I took the chance to close the window before the forced smile on my face faded.

With a sigh, I covered my face with my hands, kneading the stiff muscles. Just as I was about to gather my thoughts, I heard a bitter chuckle from the door.

“Lian’er?” Startled, I didn’t even have to turn around to know who it was just by her laughter. As expected, who else could the young woman leaning against the door be? She had been out and about these past few days. It was normal that she was grubby when she came back. Usually, I would have the bath ready for her, but she had obviously returned earlier today. My first thought was that I hadn’t prepared the water, so I said, “Just wait a moment, I’ll have someone heat some water and bring it over.” With that, I was about to go out. But as I reached the door, someone stopped me. 

Taken aback, I realized that the person in front of me seemed off, her stunning face tightly drawn, as if it had been cloaked in frost. Connecting it with the earlier bitter chuckle, a suspicion arose in my mind, but it wasn’t the time to point that out, so I pretended not to know and asked, “Lian’er, what’s the matter? Is there something you want to say?”

She first stared at me with widened eyes, as if a fire had ignited within her, and then, as if she had encountered a difficult problem, she tilted her head to the side, her brows furrowed, looking like she was thinking. After a moment of thought, she fixed her gaze back on me and asked, “Tell me, do you like that guide?”

I knew she was direct and spoke with no filter, but I didn’t expect her to be this direct that it startled me. For a moment, I didn’t know how to respond. If it were someone else asking, I would have firmly denied it, but coming from Lian’er, I wasn’t so sure… wasn’t sure what exactly she meant by “like.”

Did she mean it in a way most people associated with a hint of jealousy? Could I really take it that way? I didn’t want to raise my hopes, so I opted for the safest approach and said with a chuckle, “I don’t dislike him since he saved my life before.”

“Right.” She stayed still and said, her eyes burning into me, “He saved your life, carried you to safety, and even helped stop your bleeding. Now he sings for you every day in the courtyard. So, do you like him?”

I sighed, unable to keep talking around the topic under her intense gaze. I gave up on prodding her and spoke honestly, “Lian’er, like I’ve said before, there are many kinds of like. Yes, I don’t dislike him. If you ask if I like him, maybe a little, but that’s completely different from how I feel about you. There’s simply no comparison between the two.”

“Of course, they’re different.” But she followed up with, “I can see that he likes you. If you like him too, then it’s romantic. Of course, they’re different from how you feel about me!”

I never expected her to think this way, never. 

I stared at her, opened my mouth but utterly lost for words, just as my feelings now. 

Should I be panicking? Should I be flustered? Should I explain? Should I be angry? Or should I hold onto hope? With so many emotions swirling inside, my face was devoid of any expression. After a while, I lifted the corners of my lips into a faint smile, and said, “If it’s really romantic love, Lian’er, what would you do?”

Still frowning, she replied, “They say romantic feelings between a man and a woman are very common. If I were to like someone, I wouldn’t mind letting you know. So… so you, you just admit it. I hate it when people beat around the bush and keep things from me…” As she spoke, she seemed to get upset again, her voice trailing off.  

What was she upset about? I was too exhausted to guess. Her response slashed through my heart like a blade. Even though I was ready for it and it wasn’t fatal, merely leaving a shallow graze on the surface, when the dull ache started spreading, bringing with it a biting twinge, it was more excruciating than a straight-up stab.  

“Lian’er…” I couldn’t think anymore. What I did next wasn’t thought through. I closed in on her, almost out of instinct. Looking at the charming young woman before me, I reached out to brush her cheek. The warm and soft touch was comforting, and I said, smiling, “If you don’t mind, then neither do I, but it also means that from now on, things like this…” I looked down and pecked on her soft lips, ‘’or things like this…” Trailing upwards, I lightly bit on her right earlobe, “From now on, I’ll only accept these from him, and he alone has the right to it. Have you forgotten? You can only have this intimacy in the third kind of relationship.”

Looking at her eyes at such a close distance, I could see the changes in her eyes clearly. The expression in her eyes changed rapidly from confusion to astonishment and then swiftly to some kind of resolution. Perhaps she had never dwelled on things. Rather than navigating in the complex maze of thought, she was better at making quick gut responses.

“He doesn’t have that right!” At last. That was her gut response.

I secretly heaved a sigh of relief, a sense of pride in her emerging in me, soothing the dull ache of the shallow wound. This time, my smile was genuine, and I kept on, “Then, who has the right? Who has the right to do that?”

“No one does!” She answered unequivocally. “I like touching you, so no one else can! You can like someone else, but it cannot be more than you like me!” 

Assertive, domineering, possessive, dictatorial, willful as always.

“But Lian’er…” I reminded her, “We’re not a man and a woman. Doing things that only couples do, don’t you find it strange?”

I wanted to give her time to think it over, even wanted to indulge a little longer in that naive intimacy, but I couldn’t help but reveal it to her. At that moment, I really hoped she would blurt out something, yet I was also afraid of what she might blurt out.

“I…” What she said in the end was, “I, I’ll go kill that guy!”

A sigh. I couldn’t help but sigh, but after that, I couldn’t suppress a smile. It was always like this. Rather than cumbersome thinking, it was better to remove the source of the threat directly. As always, this was my Lian’er.

I grabbed the young woman who was about to act on what she said and hugged her waist, resting my head on her slender shoulder, stopping her from moving. I murmured, almost as if talking to myself, “Lian’er, don’t. Think, think harder. Trust me, trust me, you have to… trust me…”

Perhaps these words didn’t seem to make any sense, but they came right out of my heart at this moment. Think harder, Lian’er, think, really think, and then, trust me.

Only then I can see the future.

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