Category: The Witch Nichang (Page 1 of 10)

The Witch Nichang– Chapter 96.2

Watershed

Since she had grown up on the peak of Mount Hua, traversing these ragged mountain slopes was like walking on a flat ground for her. The wind whistled past my ears, and before long, the earthen houses scattered among the misty greenery grew from specks to something distinct. As we drew closer, a village came into view. Not a lot of folks live here as there were only a dozen or so low houses. Shrouded in mist, they looked lonely and desolate amidst the mountains.

Lian’er, never one for formalities, landed directly before the largest house, strode onto the veranda, and rapped on the door. I was shaking off the ice shards from my robe. Before I could stop her, I heard a woman called from inside, “Who’s there—?” Not wanting to make her wait, I stepped in before Lian’er could speak, “Pardon the intrusion. My sister and I are travelers on our way to Jinzhou from Liangzhou. We were caught in the storm as we were crossing the ridge and hoping to seek shelter here from the hail. Would you be so kind to let us in?”

Lian’er seemed unbothered by my interruption. The house fell into a brief silence likely because the residents were discussing. After a while, the sound of footsteps approached, and the hefty door creaked open. A middle-aged woman appeared and gave us a quick once-over before she stepped aside and said, “Well then, come on in—”

Her attitude was odd. She didn’t have the warm hospitality typical of mountain folks, yet not exactly unfriendly either, just a little indifferent. I was hesitating, but I saw Lian’er stride in unconcerned, so I could only say my thanks and follow her inside.

The sky was already overcast with clouds. It was even darker inside the house. The furnishing of the modest hall was simple and old. A layer of dust cloaked everything from furniture to the beams, looking dull and colorless. Only the embers in the central hearth were flickering, casting a faint but warm amber glow.

By the hearth sat an old woman. Out of courtesy, I cupped my fists and greeted her. “Thank you. Pardon the intrusion,” I said with respect. The old woman merely cast me a languid glance in return before letting her eyelids droop again. The middle-aged woman walked to us after shutting the door and said, “Stay here. Don’t wander around. The hail comes and goes quickly. It won’t last long.” With that, she walked to the old woman and attended to her, paying us no further heed. It didn’t bother me, but Lian’er, with her proud nature, wasn’t pleased with the indifferent attitude of this family. Thankfully, no matter how displeased she was, she had the basic courtesy. She understood these people had let us in out of kindness, so she didn’t show her feelings on her face. She merely let out a low humph, walked over to the window, and with her back to the room and sword in her hand, spaced out at the relentless patter of hailstones. I gave a perfunctory smile when I saw that the owner had no intention of making conversation and turned to join Lian’er by her side.

It wasn’t long before Old Tie caught up with us. Like Lian’er, he was never one to stand on ceremony. The moment he entered the village, he started shouting our names, unconcerned about disturbing anyone. It wasn’t until Lian’er rushed out to meet him that he finally stopped. By the time, the three of us tethered the horses under the veranda and went back inside, the hailstones had grown to nearly the size of quail eggs. Even though I kept the family informed about what we were doing with an apologetic smile, the truth was, ever since the woman had returned to the old woman’s side, neither of them had so much as glanced our way again, as if they had turned a deaf ear and treated us as if we just didn’t exist. It was hard not to grow suspicious of them.

“I’m telling you, there’s something weird about this place…”The old man stood in a corner of the room, watching the horses outside and saying to us, his voice lowered, “Did you notice?” Ever since I entered the village and started shouting, not a single soul has peeked out to see what’s going on. Even with the hail, you’d expect someone to glance out the window at least. Strange… hmm… real strange…”

“What’s the big deal?” Though Lian’er’s voice was soft, her expression was full of disdain. She flicked her sword and said, “No matter how strange this place is, you think the three of us would be afraid?”

“Alright.” Worried that other people would overhear their conversation, I quickly stopped them in a hushed voice, “We were the ones who came knocking. Just because they’re keeping to themselves doesn’t mean they’re bad people. As long as we don’t touch or drink anything, keep watch over the horses, and leave as soon as the weather clears, nothing will happen.”

And so, we stayed on our guard while waiting out the hail. What happened later seemed to prove what I had said. In less than an hour, the patter of hail began to wane, and the sky gradually cleared. As the gloom lifted, rays of sunlight broke through the clouds, chasing away some of the chill and making the scattered hailstones on the ground glisten like crystal.

Seeing that, before we could do anything, the middle-aged woman attending to the old woman spoke up. In a measured voice, she said, “The hail has passed, and it won’t return today. You’d best be on your way while there’s still light. We won’t keep you.”

Although that had been our plan, it still rankled to hear those words clearly meant to kick us out. Old Tie, bad-tempered as he was, had seen enough to keep his composure. He cupped his hands and said thanks before going out. Lian’er gave a frosty smile, said nothing, and followed him outside. I followed them to the door but couldn’t shake the feeling that something wasn’t right. So, I turned back and walked over to the hearth. Cupping my hands and bowing, I said, “My companions are used to the way of jianghu. I beg your pardon for any rudeness. We’re grateful for your shelter in our time of need. Please accept this small token of gratitude.”

As I spoke, I reached for my pouch, only to realize I had no small change on me. If I showed hesitation now, it would only make things awkward, so I decided to commit to the gesture. I pulled out a silver ingot and placed it on the small wooden table beside the hearth. As I set down the silver and just about to pull my hand back, two long, withered fingers suddenly closed around my wrist!

I was on my guard when I approached them. Even so, those fingers caught me cold. Shock rippled through me. My eyes followed those two withered fingers and looked up. The one who grabbed me was the elderly woman who had sat motionless like a clay statue and never lifted her eyes!

“Old bat! What are you doing to her? Let go of her now!” A familiar shout came from behind. Lian’er must have seen what happened from the veranda. She flung open the window and jumped right in, ready to strike. I quickly extended my other hand to block her and said hastily, “Wait, Lian’er, hold on, stay calm.” That stopped her just in time. Because in that split second, I sensed that those two fingers, though holding my wrist, weren’t applying any force. They were even trembling; they were nothing like the grip of a martial artist. Even though the lightning-fast speed still baffled me.

The two women seemed to not register either Lian’er’s menace or my wariness, as if none of it concerned them. The old woman held my wrist as if reading a pulse, then slowly spoke in a hoarse voice, “We don’t have a custom of taking payment for helping people around here. But since you insist, why not let this old lady take a look at you. Consider it service for silver, and we’ll be even.”

There were a lot of eccentric people in the world, and this family did seem peculiar from the beginning. Now that I heard her say that, I thought it better to believe than to doubt, so I said respectfully, “Then I thank you for your kindness.”

Suspicion was written all over Lian’er’s face, but nonetheless she lowered her sword and stepped back, standing at the side, her eyes trained on the old woman.

Ignoring our attitude, the old woman squinted her eyes and said slowly, “You were born with a weak constitution, young lady. Now your yin is lacking, and heat rises within.^[1] Since you move more than you rest, your body is probably worn-out. And also, your organs suffered injury once. Though healed, you lack proper recovery. Unwise.” At that, her fingers shifted on my pulse, adjusting their position. Then she added, “Your body already shows signs of fatigue. If you don’t take proper rest, the strain will build and turn into illness. And by then, it’ll take twice the effort to recover. Troublesome indeed.”

Listening to her explain, with every point sounding convincing, Lian’er and I exchanged a glance, and when we turned back to the old woman, she had finished speaking, took her fingers off my pulse, and closed her eyes, returning to her previous state of silence. I pulled my hand back right after, cupped my fists, and said my thanks again. Then I took Lian’er by the arm and made our way out. Just as I stepped over the threshold, suddenly, I seemed to hear a voice by my ear. The voice said, “Fate and destiny flow like river. Don’t stir a river unconnected to yours, or there’ll be no escape from death.” I whipped around. A gust of wind swept through the room, and with a resounding bang, the door slammed shut before me. I turned around to look at Lian’er; she was right beside me, but she didn’t seem to have heard anything this time. A chill crept down my spine. Just as I contemplated whether I should go in and ask for an answer, Old Tie came striding over and pulled us along, saying, “Quick, let’s go. This place gives me the creeps! Best not linger!”

Seeing the old man, one rarely fazed by anything, now pale, I wanted to ask, but before I could utter a word, I was shoved onto the horse, so I swallowed the question and let it go.

After riding out of the village, though the journey went without a hitch, none of us could wipe the pallor off our face. I couldn’t share the reason behind my pale face with anyone. That wispy voice lingered in my mind. It seemed like a dream as the time passed, impossible to tell if it had been real or an illusion. As for the reason behind Old Tie’s pale face, he refused to say even after asking him several times. I could only guess that he had seen something in the veranda. What exactly it was, I had no idea, so I could only let it go. As for the reason behind Lian’er’s pale face, I had no clue. Though she didn’t say anything at that time, I would figure it out soon enough.

To say I figured it out would be an overstatement. It was Lian’er who revealed it herself at the end. After we had descended the ridge, passed the rest stop, and entered Jincheng in Lanzhou for a brief respite, just as we were preparing to set out on the long journey to the capital, she suddenly spoke, “Let’s make a little detour south to Shaanxi. I want to visit Mount Dingjun.”

Lian’er’s was based there, so when she brought that up, no one found her request unusual. Old Tie nodded and said, “Hmm, come to think of it, it’s been more than half a year since you were back. It’s good to make a detour to check in, even just to show your face, since you are the chief.” “Mm, you’re right, Godfather.”Lian’er nodded and turned to look at me; there seemed to be something more in her eyes. It was only then that I realized that something wasn’t quite right. Then, I heard her say, “Once we reach Mount Dingjun, you should stay at the stronghold. For the journey to the capital, just Godfather and I will be enough.”

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[1] Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) terminology, where health is about the balance of yin and yang energies. Yin represents cool and receptive energies, and yang represents warm and active energies. In the case of excess yang, symptoms related to heat might emerge like fever, nosebleed, and hot flushes.

The Witch Nichang– Chapter 96.1

Watershed

The following days were spent on the long journey back, passing through Khocho, then Hami, traveling along the northern route of the ancient Silk Roads. Though we were traversing the desolate, uninhabited desert most of the time, we were still able to get some supplies along the way. At times, we journeyed along merchant caravans and could even rest and refresh ourselves in the few towns we passed. It was exhausting, but it was nothing compared to our journey here. Thanks to this route, all the discomforts I had because of the harsh environment never happened again. But my body might be unscathed; it didn’t mean my heart came out unscarred. 

The main reason our conversation that night in the abandoned city had gone nowhere was that, just as we reached that point, Old Tie returned in excitement and interrupted us. We were surprised by his early return. With another person present, we couldn’t continue the conversation anymore, so I changed the subject and started talking to Old Tie. Lian’er didn’t say anything at that time; she even joined in the conversation, as if we shared a tacit understanding, but I had the feeling that she must have been relieved. It was obvious that, even if Old Tie hadn’t returned, she didn’t seem like she wanted to continue the conversation. I didn’t know what to feel about it. Only, it was no longer the matter of controlling my emotions. 

In the first few days of our journey, the atmosphere within the group felt strange. The old man rode ahead on horseback, while Lian’er and I shared a camel like before. Even though our bodies were close, our hearts felt distant. Or perhaps it was only me who felt that. It didn’t feel good. I tried to keep the feeling in check, but it still affected me, slipping out in some moments. It felt almost like a sulk—only, it had been her sulking at me not long ago, and now, it was me sulking at her. Even when we sulked, we expressed it differently. I wasn’t immature enough to give anyone silent treatment. I would still look after her and remind her when needed. I thought I was acting like I usually did, except joking and laughing less with her. But Lian’er, sharp as she was, still noticed a difference; even Old Tie seemed to pick up on it. 

Even though they noticed, neither of them pointed it out. Old Tie was a seasoned man. He probably thought we had a quarrel and he best stayed out of it. He would drop some lighthearted advice between the lines, hinting that so long as there was no bad blood between us. Lian’er more or less understood him and didn’t press on. She stopped saying I was mean to her, but grievance and confusion often flickered across her eyes. It didn’t feel great to see someone so proud and carefree, someone who never hesitated, showed such expressions, let alone it was someone for whom I had the softest spot. If I were to ask myself honestly whether I had any right to be angry with her, the answer would be no. She had tried her best. I had no right to ask for more. To ask for so much itself would be too… greedy. Or this might not be anger; I was just a little… discouraged. 

Regardless of how I felt, I had to get myself together for the rest of the journey. If I couldn’t sort out my feelings, then I had to bury them, the deeper the better. With some effort, I at least managed to clear away the strange atmosphere caused by me. Everything seemed to be back on the right track, or rather, return to normal. The normal conversation, the normal jesting, the normal caring, the normal snuggling. 

The old man aside, I didn’t know what Lian’er thought about this normalcy, but she never did show any affection again. It could be a way of avoidance or a sign of resignation—I couldn’t tell, nor did I want to guess. 

Burying my feelings and maintaining this semblance of normalcy, we traveled for half a month on a detour. I was glad that our return route was different from the one we took before, sparing me the sight of things that reminded me of the past. We entered the Jiayu Pass without a hitch via the northern route. Once we crossed into the Hexi Corridor, we returned to the way we came. 

Though we had different things on our mind, we were equally eager to get back. That old bandit Jin’s nephew had left half a month before us, supposedly heading to the capital to meet up with his uncle. But who knew how long they would stay or if they would stay at all once they reunited. Too many things could change as the time passed. That’s why we barely stopped in Suzhou and set out immediately after a brief respite, traveling along the borders of three commanderies, passing through Jiuquan, Zhangye, and Liangzhou. In less than ten days, we arrived at Anyuan Station. This station is situated at the northern foothill of the great mountain. Beyond it stretched the final and largest barrier between Hexi and the Central Plain—the towering Hongchi Ridge. 

The locals called it Hongchi Ridge. Old Tie and the traveling merchants called it the Watershed. Whatever the name, they all referred to the same mountain range. It was a lofty range, said to have snow capping its peaks all year round. The weather around here was fickle; it could snow even in midsummer. Last time, we had passed through during a favorable season and took the winding path in the valleys, so the journey hadn’t seemed too difficult even though the mountains had seemed barren, covered with ashen black rocks, and the temperature shifts were stark. It was already fall this time around, and the mountain’s harsh cold revealed its presence. After a night’s rest, we left the station and set out on the path upward. The air grew colder, dark clouds gathering, snow dotting the air, and mist forming between breaths. These were no signs of fall; they unmistakably signaled the onset of winter. Fortunately, we had come prepared. We had switched to studier mounts, draped in furs, and carrying wine. At the break of dawn, we set out, braving the wind and snow without stopping, hoping to cross the ridge before nightfall. Heaven didn’t disappoint; though the cold pierced to the bone, the journey went smoothly. By noon, we had crossed over the peak through a narrow trail. The wind and snow dwindled as we descended from the northern slope to the southern side. 

Seeing the sky cleared and time still ample, Old Tie slowed down. He tipped his head back and took a long swig of aged wine atop his horse, then let out a deep sigh, and his expression turned resolute. And Lian’er had never been nervous. Seeing Old Tie like that, she couldn’t help herself from teasing him. Compared to these two, I couldn’t rest easy despite having a smile on my face. 

Once we passed the southern foothill and traveled a few dozen more miles to Jincheng, Lanzhou, we had officially set foot on the ground of the Central Plain. So many people, so many things were waiting there, as if you could already see them. If I had felt like a bird soaring beneath the vast sky when we had first started out, now, I felt like a bird returning to its cage, walking willingly into the snare. What’s worse was that, after all this time spent on the road, I hadn’t managed to take the weight off my chest. On the contrary, the road ahead felt more uncertain than ever. 

Gazing at the distant folds of mountains, shaded in dark green and black, a sudden thought arose—was it time to let go? If Lian’er had fallen for a man who wasn’t in her childhood, she would have been spared all these worries. Between a man and a woman, everything followed a familiar pattern, like water flowing along its course. There would be no questioning of what love was, no fear of what the future might bring. And someone like Zhuo Yihang—blessed with a wife such as her—would surely not be plagued with worry like I was now, nor would he ask so much of her, making a carefree person like her hesitate.

The thought came unbidden, but affected by the emotions over the past few days, the more I dwelled on it, the more sense it made. As I was spiraling, suddenly, I felt a series of light taps on my head, as if someone knocked on my head with their knuckles. Those taps had snapped me out of my thoughts. Bewildered, I held my head and looked up. Before I could see what happened, I took a few more hits in the face. They didn’t hurt, but they were icy to the bone. When I looked at my hand after brushing them off, I saw tiny shards of ice. 

“Ice pellets! Ice pellets are falling from the sky! The weather on the ridge surely is unpredictable!” Up ahead, I saw Old Tie reined in his horse and shouted to the back, his voice laced with urgency though not quite panic. As soon as he shouted, the hail grew denser, clattering as they hit the ground. Fortunately, the hailstones were no larger than grains of sand. It stung when they hit, but they posed no danger. Yet the worry on Old Tie’s face didn’t ease. “This isn’t good!” He circled his horse around and, before even getting close, he said, “I’ve heard from the locals that it’s nothing unusual to see snow in summer, but when ice starts falling from the sky, hail is sure to follow! Don’t be fooled by how small they are now. They’ll grow big enough to knock us down. We have to find shelter fast!”

That being said, this stretch of land was nothing but bare plain, with sparse vegetation, and low, jagged rocks. Not even a single hollow in sight. Where could we find shelter here? Just as Old Tie and I were anxiously looking around, Lian’er, without a word, leapt from her horse and onto the tallest spruce nearby. She peered into the distance for a moment before jumping back down. Whether it was intentional or by accident, she didn’t land on her own horse but mine. She said, pointing, “I couldn’t see any good place nearby, but beyond the foothill, there seem to be a few houses. Look like mountain folks’ houses. The two of us will head there first. Godfather, you take the horses around and meet us there!” As soon as she finished, I felt a tightness around my waist, then before I knew, I was pulled into her arms, and before I could say anything, Old Tie burst into laughter, stroking his short beard, and ribbed, “You little rascal! That’s quick. You’d leave this old man behind to bring up the rear on his own at times like this? What an ungrateful daughter!” Though he scolded her, his words held no sign of anger. Undaunted, Lian’er said with a grin, “Don’t blame me, Godfather. I was just weighing the pros and cons. With your powerful neigong and sturdy body, even the fiercest hailstones couldn’t hurt you; you can take it, but someone here can’t. Are you going to find me another if anything happens to her?” Before Old Tie could utter another word, I heard a soft chuckle, and the next moment, I was several yards above ground. 

Suspended in midair, the biting wind slashed across my face like a blade. The hailstones had grown to the size of rice grains, and each one now hurt far more than before. Lian’er, rushing ahead at full speed, couldn’t pay it any mind. I knew she was doing it for me; I didn’t want to add this to her worries. After a moment’s thought, I took off my robe, spread it open with both hands, and held it over our heads—a small effort to shield some of the trouble for her.

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The Witch Nichang– Chapter 95

Answer

Had it been back then, I would have felt a twinge in my heart the moment I heard the rejection. But I was calmer than I thought.

Perhaps it was because, since the beginning of this long journey, I had noticed and remembered every minor change in her. As these changes accumulated, they added to my confidence—in her and in our relationship. So, at this moment, even though I was a little disappointed, I didn’t despair.

Lian’er was chuckling in the firelight’s glow, as if lost in some funny imagination. While she was laughing, I took a deep breath of the night air and kneaded my brows, taking the moment to compose myself. It was then that I realized there was something off with the conversation earlier.

Maybe the conversation came too soon, and I started getting nervous. I got swept along by her train of thought and started talking about men and women. I understood why it made her laugh. If I were to imagine Lian’er as a man, I would find it just as absurd and uncomfortable. Though what she said about not wanting to be married to me still bothered me a little.

I hugged my knees, staying silent as I collected myself, waiting for Lian’er to finish laughing and continue the conversation. Her laughter was infectious, and it seemed even more vibrant in the flickering firelight. I couldn’t help but smile watching her. Looking at her laugh, my heart slowly settled until it returned to tranquility. Perhaps she could sense that I was looking, her laughter died down. Even though she had stopped, her face still glowed with delight. She turned to look at me, her brows relaxed and her eyes bright. I wanted to speak, but the moment our eyes met, I chose not to because she obviously had something to say.

“I’m neither a man, nor do I wish to be one. And you couldn’t be a dude either. Since it’s all nonsense, what’s the point of talking about it?” She opened her mouth and said with a dismissive smile, “Let’s just drop this conversation, shall we?” Her suggestion happened to be what I had thought earlier. There was no reason to say no. I gave her a brisk nod, but in my mind, I was wondering what she would say next. This time, no matter what she said, I wouldn’t panic.

“So…” Lian’er didn’t know what was going on in my mind. Perhaps this had been bothering her for a while, she was unusually talkative. She went on, “since the truth is neither of us can be a man, where does this love between a man and a woman come in? Isn’t that strange? You keep telling me to think it through, but every time I reach this point, I can’t go any further. So, I’ve only figured out a little. Do you understand?” She added the last part as if she was explaining something complicated, afraid I might not get it. I nodded with a smile to show I understood. This world was nothing like the world I used to live in. It was difficult enough for the average person to understand this kind of love, let alone for Lian’er who had grown up in the woods, unbound by the worldly ways. The fact that she had come this far by herself spoke to her intelligence.

Or I have been too selfish. I’m just being a coward with all these excuses.

I saw the confusion on her face as these thoughts went through my mind, so I spoke, determined, “Lian’er, have you…” Even though I had decided to make it clear, when I opened my mouth, trying to speak, it was as though something lodged in my throat. I hesitated when the words were about to come out of my mouth, and they turned into, “Have you… have you forgotten? I never said it’s love between a man and a woman. Do you remember? I said the third kind of love for me is romantic love.”

After the words came out, I felt deflated. As they said, old habits die hard. It wasn’t easy to get rid of decades of bad habits. Yet beneath the dismay, there was hope.

In the glow of the blazing fire, the girl sitting beside me didn’t immediately answer my question but tilted her head to look at the fire, her brows knitted ever so slightly, her eyes gleaming with thoughts. Even though she had never been fond of studying, Lian’er learned astoundingly fast. Seeing her deep in her thoughts, I chose not to disturb her, leaving her alone in her thoughts and waiting in silence.

The atmosphere fell still once more. There was no laughter or conversation. The desolation and silence of this place returned. Although the wind wasn’t strong, blocked by the ruin structures, its howling echoed through the night. Every time when I heard its howl, I tossed two more pieces of useless furniture into the bonfire that had piled to the height of a person. The dry woods cracked and hissed as they joined the fire.

There is nothing to see about the blazing fire. No matter how pleasant it was to look at Lian’er, watching her with my head turned for too long made my neck sore. I looked away and up at the starry sky as I leaned back on my elbows.

The stars were just as brilliant as they had been the other nights, and the last time we sat together by a fire under the starry sky had been… the night when we were searching for water. As my thoughts wandered, something came into my mind, and I found myself biting my lips.

As I was spacing out, I heard a rustling sound. By the time I noticed, Lian’er had done the same as me, leaning down and resting on her elbows. The difference was she was leaning forward and resting slightly taller than me. As we were close to each other, she was within my sight, blocking a corner of the sky.

Too close. It was so close that I felt a little shy. I wanted to turn away, but before I could, her hand reached out and cupped my face.

“Lian’er!” This gesture was anything but proper. I had no idea where she had learned it from. Aside from being surprised, a torrent of emotions swirled within me as I called her in exasperation. I was about to ask her to let go, but she said with a grin, “You really are terrible. You made me fuss over this, but you lie here enjoying the stars instead. That’s not fair.”

Although Lian’er said that with a grin on her face, her words struck me. In some ways, she was right. I knew the answer, and I could have told her, but I wanted her to think instead. I was terrible for… sitting by and watching, right?

A wave of guilt washed over me. My reluctance from earlier dissipated, and I stopped resisting, letting her hold my chin as she pleased. But Lian’er was competitive and liked to fight. When she saw me give in, she lost interest, and her grip slackened. Her eyes moved, as if something had occurred to her, and her grin widened. Before I could react, she leaned in, and warmth brushed my lips. The touch was fleeting, but it was the first time she had been so close to me since the time she had fed me water. In contrast to the distance between us over the past few days, I found myself liking this kind of intimacy despite knowing I shouldn’t. But because of what I had said earlier, I cleared my throat and leaned back after that peck, protesting as my eyes wandered, “Lian’er, have you forgotten what I said…”

“Yes, of course I remember. You said that before I figured it out and found an answer, we can’t do this.” Lian’er interrupted me, drawling. She rolled her eyes, looking dismissive. Then she got serious. She lowered her head and looked at me with a soft smile, “What if I’ve already found my answer?” she asked.

The distance between us was small. She was talking while she was leaning forward. Over her shoulders, I could see the glow of firelight and the distant expanse of the starry sky. As she was facing against the light, I couldn’t see her expression, leaving me uncertain with no way to read her face. The uncertainty left me adrift and untethered. But the girl didn’t realize and went on, “So from the very start, you’ve hidden the true meaning within your words, and yet, you had me racking my brain over it. I was wondering why you are making a simple thing like the love between a man and a woman so complicated. Could it be that you were trying to say that the third kind of love can exist even if it’s not between a man and a woman?”

Right on the mark!

It was right on the mark, but my heart remained suspended. My face was so stiff that it hurt, and my expression remained blank, neither surprised nor elated. None of the emotions I expected to feel came.

I didn’t know how Lian’er might interpret my reaction, but she seemed to be in a good mood or still relishing in her revelation. She continued along her train of thought, musing, “If that’s the case, even though we are both women, we can still love each other romantically. That doesn’t sound so bad. We already like each other anyway. We promised to stay together through life and death. You shouldn’t get married anyway. Just stay by my side.”

While she was thinking out loud, I felt my heart sinking as it grew heavier and heavier. But it wasn’t too bad because at least it would end up on the ground when it sank far enough.

At last, I could blink again. When I closed my eyes, it stung a little, but the stiffness in my face eased because of the movement. I let out a puff of laughter, masking a sigh, sat up, and said, “Lian’er, romantic love is not something that you’d have because you say so, nor something that would just happen by doing what’ve you said.”

“No?” She sat up too when she saw me doing the same. Sitting face-to-face, she asked, puzzled, “Then what else is there? People say the point of getting into a relationship is to get married, to have each other by their side and grow old together. We’ve agreed on this before. I’ve done the things that only those in love can do with you, and you’re fine with them. So, what else could there be?”

Lian’er spoke without thinking, not knowing what she was saying. I squirmed at that, but I didn’t want to dwell on it. I shifted from sitting to being on my knees, straightened up, and grabbed her shoulders. Solemnly, I said, “Listen, Lian’er. This third kind of love is different from the other two. A person can have many relatives and friends, but there’s only one whom they love that way, and only one. Once that choice is made, you give all of you to them, and they become the most important person to you.”

“Yeah.” She listened earnestly while I was being serious. Then she nodded and said, “That’s not a problem. You’re the most important person to me. I don’t like anyone else as much as I like you. Maybe Master if she’s still around, but she has passed. The dead don’t count, right?”

There was no reason for her to lie. It warmed my heart to hear that. But it wasn’t the right time. I didn’t have time to savor it. The words were on the tip of my tongue, like a nocked arrow. I had no time to think about the consequences, whatever they might be. I wanted to guide her slowly, waiting for her to come to the realization on her own. But I realized she understood the concept but not the feelings, so I could only confirm it in the most direct way. Was this the right thing to do? I didn’t know. Perhaps I had been holding back for so long, I could no longer wait.

“Lian’er, you know being the most important one is not just about liking them the most.” Locking my eyes with hers, I said with my teeth clenched, “When I said, ‘to give all of you’ and when you said, ‘to have each other.’ Do you truly understand what that means?” That means giving yourself over entirely. If we were to pledge our love, I’ll give all of me to you, and from then on, I would be only yours.”

“Wouldn’t that be great? You’re supposed to listen to me anyway when we are together.” The girl laughed light-heartedly. She seemed to only care about the last part, not truly understanding the weight of the words. And what she hadn’t understood was what I worried about the most.

“But Lian’er, let me ask you…” No matter how worried I was, I had to ask, “Then in return, would you be willing to give all of you to me? Would you be willing to, from now on, be only mine? Hmm?” Slowly, I spoke word by word, my eyes fixed on her, unwavering.

In that instant, in the firelight, I thought I saw from her face—the flicker of uncertainty and hesitation.

That night, she never gave me an answer.

---

The Witch Nichang– Chapter 94

Late Night Talk

Soon, Old Tie galloped off with the horse. 

After he left, I went to gather the things scattered around the courtyard, picking out those that were useful and tying them together, preparing the supplies for the return journey.

It’s said that the northern route was the safest and most established route of the Silk Road. Old Tie himself had experience traveling this route, and he was confident about it. Still, we would pass through many desolate areas. With just the three of us, it wouldn’t hurt to spend more time preparing. Better be careful than sorry.

I couldn’t help much with the important matters, so I put more effort into these menial tasks. With that in mind, I got down to business. I didn’t know how much time had passed. All I knew was that the sky was getting darker. I worked until it got so dark that I could no longer focus on the tasks. I stood up and let out a long breath, feeling a sense of relief as I looked at my hard work. But as soon as my focus faded, relief was quickly replaced by a sense of unease. 

I turned around and looked at the girl sitting by the blazing bonfire, who hadn’t moved since earlier. I frowned, realizing where this creeping unease came from.

Perhaps it was because we had grown up together. There usually wasn’t much of a conversation going on between us. After all, what was there to talk about with someone you saw all day, every day? Besides, Lian’er was never one for chit-chat. Most of the time, as long as I was with her and could sense her presence, I could do other things without worrying about neglecting her, like how you would spend time with family.

But the air now felt… as if something wasn’t quite as it should be.

Looking at the girl by the fire, her lips pursed as she stared ahead without even glancing over once, clearly radiating an air of discontent, a sinking feeling hit me—had I accidentally ignored her and made her upset? Or had the silent treatment that started at the inn never actually ended?

Guessing wouldn’t get me anywhere, so I calmed down and thought for a moment. I took out some food from the packed supplies and quietly walked over to sit beside her by the fire. I said nothing, just wrapped some jerky in flatbread and roasted it over the fire. Once it warmed through, filling the air with its aroma, I held it out to Lian’er and said softly, “I’m sorry, I got caught up packing. It’s already dark, and you haven’t had anything since noon, right? Just eat something first, okay?”

Lian’er was a practical person from a survival perspective. She turned around when I spoke and gave me a sidelong glance before shifting her gaze to the food in front of her, seeming to consider it for a moment. Then without a word, she took it with a straight face, tore it in half, stuffed one half into her mouth, and shoved the other half back into my hand. 

My heart warmed at her action. I unbuckled the waterskin from my waist and placed it between us. Then we shared the meal together in silence. For a while, neither of us spoke; the only sound was the crackling and popping of the burning wood. 

After swallowing the last bit of food, Lian’er pulled the stopper of the waterskin and took a big gulp from it, then brushed the crumbs off her hands. Her eyes darted around. As if she had made up her mind, she spoke, “Let me ask you—since we’re leaving tomorrow and might not see certain people again, be honest, will you miss them?”

I had been waiting for her to speak, even thinking about how to make her say something. Now that she said something, it caught me slightly off guard. But when I thought about it, it made sense. If my guess was correct, she could only mean one person when she mentioned “certain people,” the source of her recent trouble. 

And for me, this question felt more like a double-edged sword that could be a blessing or a curse.

“Ever since we arrived here, I’ve spent most of my time in a room, barely getting any chance to see much of what’s outside before we’re leaving. To say I don’t feel a little regret would be a lie, but…”

Since it was a double-edged sword, I had to treat it with care. I lowered my gaze and chuckled. Weighing my words, I said, “But what is there to miss? There aren’t a lot of things I would miss. At least nothing from here.”

Despite my sincerity, Lian’er didn’t seem entirely convinced.  She narrowed her eyes and glanced at me. Skeptically, she said, “Oh, how nice. Then why did you make the message you asked Godfather to pass on sound so poetic? All that ‘parting with regrets’ and ‘gratitude remains’—it sounded just like what people would say for farewell in the theater. If not because you miss him, then what was it for?”

Her words always managed to catch me off guard in the most unexpected ways, though I was used to it by now. I chuckled and explained calmly, “How could you compare this to the theater? It’s only polite to leave a few words since he’s helped us so much, not that I miss him. Since we’re about to part ways, it’s only polite to say goodbye with a few words, don’t you think?”

“Hmph…” Lian’er let out a soft scoff, as if she was reluctantly accepting my answer, and didn’t argue back immediately. She tossed two more pieces of firewood into the fire before muttering, “If that’s the case, why didn’t you let me know when we left the inn instead of trying to make an excuse now? Don’t think you can fool me about  being polite.”

Her tone was still sharp, but the edge of discontent had faded, and a faint smile had appeared on her face. I had already started smiling along with her when the memory of the young man’s last expression as we left the inn surfaced in my mind. I sighed and said, “Didn’t you see how terrified he was? How could I have said anything? And also, Old Tie was rushing me. Now that I think about it, I don’t even have to say those words. After witnessing what happened, I doubt he has any lingering feelings for me.”

I thought this would cheer Lian’er up since it had been troubling her, whatever her reasons. Now that the source of her trouble was gone, she should have been relieved. 

As soon as I said that, her brows slowly furrowed in the firelight. She tilted her head skeptically, pondering for a moment before leaning in and asking, puzzled, “When? Do you mean when you killed that bandit during the fight? How would that change anything? Didn’t he just say he liked you and wanted to protect you? How could he change his mind just because you killed someone who deserved it?”

She seemed genuinely puzzled, a childlike innocence flitting her face. I held back the urge to pat her head. Just as I was about to explain, smiling, realization hit me, and I hesitated before asking, “Did you overhear everything…”

It was an unnecessary question, of course—she must have overheard. Otherwise, no matter how clever Lian’er was, she wasn’t clairvoyant. How else could she have known about the conversation between the guide and me in the inn before the incident? 

“Hm, I heard it. When I got there, the fight hadn’t started yet, and you were just finishing your conversation,” she replied frankly, without trying to hide anything. When I asked, she just nodded and admitted it, as if there was nothing wrong. Then she added, “I wanted to step in, but you seemed like you wanted to handle it yourself. And since the ones who barged in were just a bunch of two-bit goons, I figured it’d be good for you to stretch your legs. That’s why I stayed outside.”

I had wanted to tell her it wasn’t right to eavesdrop, but her frank attitude left me unsure of where to begin. Then again, I didn’t care, and neither did she. Since neither of us cared, did it matter whether it was right or wrong? The rules and etiquettes of this world had never been something I cared for, nor something she had ever held in regard. Besides, there was something that mattered far more right now. 

If Lian’er had done something reckless because of what she heard, it would no doubt bother me. At the same time, it wasn’t necessarily reassuring that she hadn’t done anything either. Didn’t this prove that she didn’t care at all? 

A tightness gripped my chest. It didn’t feel good to scare myself like this. After a moment of hesitation, I decided to throw the question out. 

“Lian, um, Lian’er…” I mimicked her actions, breaking a few pieces of dry wood and tossing them into the fire, using it to mask my nerves. Yet, I still couldn’t summon the courage to ask her directly. I stole a quick sidelong glance at her and murmured, “Since you heard everything back then… what do you think?”

The girl beside me wasn’t looking at me. She seemed lost in thought, staring into the flames. At that moment, I couldn’t read her. 

“What I think, huh…” It was a while before Lian’er finally spoke, “He said he liked you a lot. I wasn’t happy when I heard that, but if his feelings for you could change just because you killed a bandit during a fight, then that kind of like isn’t worth much, is it?”

She turned her head then, her eyes meeting mine. I could clearly see the reflection of the flickering flames in her eyes. Then, I heard her say, “If it were me, liking someone means liking them. I wouldn’t stop liking you just because you killed a few people. As long as you treat me well, and I do the same for you, why does it matter what other people think? That guy doesn’t like you as much as I do. You don’t need that kind of affection.”

There was no doubt she meant every word. 

All I could offer in response was a nod and a simple, “Mm, right.”

I thought that would bring the conversation to an end, but Lian’er didn’t stop there. It was as if she had found her momentum, or perhaps she had given a lot of thought to it. After a brief pause, she continued without hesitation, “Actually, earlier, when I said I wanted to tell you something I had figured out, it had to do with this. So I might as well just say it now.”

When she brought up that topic, my heart that had just settled was thrown back in the air. 

Her gaze hadn’t shifted from me since a while ago, her eyes fixed on me as she spoke, unwavering. I had no idea, in that instant, what expression of mine was reflected in her eyes. 

“Seriously, you always leave things unsaid and then tell me to think, really think about them. I have been burning my brain cells these days.”

No matter how I looked right then, it didn’t seem to affect her mood. Lian’er spoke like she always did, even with a hint of complaint, as if she were talking about something completely ordinary, “I finally figured it out later. All that beating around the bush of yours was just your way of telling me that even though we’re not a man and a woman, the things I do to you are something only people in the third kind of love would do. So, what we share is more like the love between a man and a woman. Isn’t that right?”

My heart skipped a beat. This time, there were no misunderstandings, no absurd answers—she stayed on point!

A chill ran down my back, my palms damp with sweat. I was stunned, unable to respond, merely observing her; even my nod was barely noticeable.

Lian’er didn’t seem to care about my staring. Seeing me nod, she frowned and went on, “But how does that make sense? If I were a man, then it would make sense, whether it’s loving you like a man loves a woman or taking you as my wife. But I’m obviously not, and I don’t want to be one either. There aren’t many men in this world who are better than me, and I like who I am. I have no desire to become a man.”

I understood what she meant, but I didn’t know how to respond. 

“Then…” In the end, I could only follow her train of thought, carefully gauging her feelings. “If I were a man, Lian’er, would you be willing to marry me?”

“You?” Her eyes flickered with surprise at first, then the corners of her lips curled up, as if she had just heard something amusing. The curve of her lips widened until she threw her head back and burst into laughter. Still laughing, she said, “No, there’s nothing in this world more absurd than that. It’s ridiculous, absolutely not. And besides, I wouldn’t want to be married to you.”

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The Witch Nichang– Chapter 93

Ghost Town

Earlier, I heard from Lian’er that they had found their lair. I thought we would hurry there, but she didn’t seem to be in a rush as we walked down the street. Instead, she took me to the busy market to get some stuff, looking as if she had everything under control. 

Though it was different from what I had expected, I didn’t usually meddle with little things and let her be. Besides, we hadn’t spent a lot of time together lately, and there was even some tension between us a few days ago. Now that we were walking together, a smile on her face, our fingers laced together, I didn’t want to think about anything else. I would just keep an eye on whatever she wanted to buy. 

We had been in this region for a while now, but this was the first time I had been on this foreign street. It was strange, feeling both unfamiliar and yet familiar at the same time. Meanwhile, Lian’er seemed very familiar with this place, even more so than I was. I guess it was because she had been going about in this area these past few days. Thinking about that made me feel a little ashamed of myself. 

As I was walking, hand in hand with her, deep in thoughts, the things we brought gradually piled up. It wasn’t until she tried to purchase a steed from a vendor that I stepped in and said, “Lian’er, we’re not staying here for long. This animal is not suited for long journeys. Why are you buying it?”

She turned around and raised an eyebrow, her smile undiminished, and said, “There will be several miles ahead of us later. It’s to ride it, of course, so you can be comfortable.”

“Don’t worry,” I replied without hesitation. “After all this rest, I’m feeling better. I don’t need it.”

I really thought I didn’t need it, or maybe it was the desire to prove myself speaking. 

But Lian’er wasn’t buying it. She huffed, “I’ll still buy it to carry our stuff even if you don’t want to ride it. We can’t be carrying all these things by ourselves for several miles. That would be too much.”

Although we had quite a few things, it wasn’t so many that it would become a burden. But since I wasn’t familiar with the road, and since she had said so, there was not much I could say. I smiled and let it go. 

When we left the street and were ready to set out, I was heaved onto the horse. I couldn’t even say no even if I wanted to because Lian’er was already on the horse. I was surprised because I thought we would go with qinggong as she didn’t really like to ride. But because of that, I couldn’t refuse. 

After bumping along the road for over two hours on the same horse, and seeing the desolate surroundings, I realized she was right. The farther we went, the more I had to admit that if we had relied solely on qinggong, the journey would have been tough in my current state. 

Wait a minute—could it be that she had thought of that, and that was why she…

I glanced back. She was focused on steering the horse under the sun. Even while she was riding, her vibrant smile remained on her face, and her eyes sparkled with her usual pride. Could it be possible for her to show that she cared in such a subtle way? Or was I reading too much into it? And what could she mean earlier when she said, “I think I’ve understood something”?

A sudden wave of anxiety surged, but I quickly quashed it.

We kept our eyes on the road, not exchanging a word. She was taking the lead, heading in a single direction for some time. As the sun began to dip westward, something started to emerge in the barren landscape ahead. I could see structures standing in the distance. Despite their distorted shapes weathered by the wind, you could still see their frames. As we drew closer, I realized that these were man-made structures—abandoned buildings made of rammed earth, one after another, forming a vast and irregular expanse of ruins. It was… a ghost town.

The sight was so unexpected that I called, “Lian’er?” I turned back, surprised and confused. Seemingly anticipated my question, she removed her veil and explained, “Quite a nice hiding spot, right? I heard this used to be a city a thousand years ago, but for some reason, it was abandoned and became a ghost town. It’s turned into a perfect hideout for bandits. Those guys were hiding here like rats. It took me and Godfather quite some time to track them down.”

As she spoke, she slowed the horse to a trot and began steering the horse into the ruins. The intact walls were next to us. As my initial shock faded, I vaguely recalled that there was an ancient site like this in this place, only that the structures before me were far more intact and alive than it would be centuries later. The narrow, winding streets were lined with rammed earth houses of various shapes, their dark, hollow doors and windows giving off an eerie and lifeless feeling.

Perhaps it was because of this deathly silence. A tinge of fear began to crawl up in me. I didn’t know where it came from, making it impossible to express. It wasn’t until I saw smoke billowing in the distance that I felt a little relieved.

The smoke was black, clearly from burning something. Spurring the horse in that direction, I soon saw that the smoke was coming from a courtyard. The courtyard was no different from the surrounding buildings, all made of rammed earth. It was no longer whole, being eroded by wind and sun, but its structure still held. The only thing that was different was there were many things around—barrels, jars, household tools, and clothes. These things, put together, added a touch of life to the otherwise desolate ghost town. Of course, the most lively thing was the blazing bonfire in the center of the courtyard and the tall figure standing beside it.

“You’re here!” Perhaps he had heard the hoofbeats earlier, as Old Tie didn’t seem surprised by our arrival. He stroked his beard and turned around, chuckling, “The streets of this ghost town are a maze, so I figured you might get lost in them again. That’s why I thought of starting some smoke as a beacon. Sure enough, as soon as I lit it, you showed up. Smart, right?”

“Godfather, don’t flatter yourself.” Lian’er entered the courtyard and dismounted, firing back with a teasing smile, “You were the one who lost your way this morning, and I had to lead the way to get us here. Now you’re saying it was me who got turned around? How shameless. And starting a fire before sunset? Were you scared to be alone and needed it for courage?”

“Hey! What are you saying? I, Tie Feilong, am not a coward. Even if you don’t need the help, the sun was setting. It’s better to start the fire earlier rather than later.” He didn’t get angry at the remark and just laughed it off, waving his hand dismissively, “Besides, this wicked stuff is an eyesore to me. The sooner they burn, the better I’ll feel.”

While the two of them bantered, I had gotten down from the horse, helping Lian’er with hitching the horse and looking around the courtyard. When I heard what Old Tie said, I looked over at the fire without thinking. It was then I noticed the few large objects among the messy pile of burning things. Though they were now engulfed in flames, the bloodstains on them were still visible as they burned.

“These are…” I took a sharp breath, a vague realization dawning on me. I looked over at Old Tie, and he nodded knowingly and said, “Mm, these are torture devices. This is the hideout of those bandits we’ve been searching for. Don’t be fooled by the unassuming exterior. There’s something far more sinister inside that house. These scoundrels didn’t just rob people; they took pleasure in torturing them to death. What a bunch of savages!”

Following Old Tie’s gaze, I looked at the nearby rammed earth house. The black, gaping doorway looked especially eerie. Just moments ago, I had thought about going inside to take a look, but now, a sense of dread began to creep in me.

I didn’t know what came over me—could it be that today’s bloodshed was affecting me more than I thought? I thought I wouldn’t care, but maybe I did after all.

Caught between unease and doubt, I felt someone pull at me. Before I could look away from the house, Lian’er had already dragged me to the fire. Still confused, I heard her laugh and say, “What’s the big deal? It brought us here, didn’t it? That’s what they call karma, right? Today’s fight was exhilarating. If not for these utterly wicked scoundrels, where else would I get a satisfying fight like that? What’s funny is that the ones who got away still thought they could sneak into the inn and get you. Don’t they know themselves?”

“Hah, easy to say now, but I haven’t forgotten how frantic you were when we wormed out of them that some of them had slipped away to the inn. Haha—” Old Tie chimed in at just the right moment, earning a fierce glare from her in return. As the girl’s laughter and Old Tie’s teasing filled the air, the inexplicable unease that had arisen gradually faded away. I smiled and allowed myself to relax. 

I spent the rest of the time around the fire, chatting with them and asking about the whole story. It turned out this bandit’s hideout was the place Old Tie and Lian’er had been looking for. Almost all the inhabitants were disciples of Jin Duyi. Unfortunately, they didn’t find the trusted nephew of Jin Duyi, whom they had once mentioned. Upon interrogation, they learned that he had stayed here for some time but had left in a hurry a few days ago after receiving some news, saying that he was heading to the capital to meet up with Jin Duyi for some business.

After getting all the information they needed, Old Tie dealt with the remaining bandits accordingly, killing those who deserved death and crippling the rest, leaving no one unpunished. He then waited for Lian’er to bring me over to join him. 

“The capital, huh… If the information was correct, this long journey wouldn’t have been in vain. In that case, there’s no reason to stay here any longer. Let’s not waste any more time. Should we start preparing for the return trip?” After sorting through my thoughts, I looked up from my contemplation and asked.  

“No need to worry about that. Everything’s been taken care of. This bandit’s hideout is well-stocked, so we can just take whatever we need. Anything that’s lacking, I’ve told Jadey to get it. Besides, hehe…” Old Tie grinned mysteriously as he got up and strode to the back. After a short while, he came back with a tall camel. “Look! They even left us this. Plus the horse Jadey bought, we’ve got enough mounts for the journey back.”

I was taken aback when I heard what he said. After a moment of stunned silence, I said in surprise, “Wait a minute, Old Tie, are you saying we’re setting off just the three of us with a camel and a horse? Isn’t that a bit…” I almost thought I got it wrong. The memories of the dangers we faced coming here were still fresh in my mind. How could Old Tie be so reckless?

“Don’t worry. There’s a reason for it.” The girl beside me chimed in at that moment, and she explained with a chuckle, “But to understand the reason, we have to start with another mistake Godfather made. Do you remember what he said when we passed the gate? He was so sure that the northern route through Hami was caught up in war, and we might not pass through it for three to five months. But when we interrogated those bandits, we found out that the northern route had been clear half a month ago. So, don’t you think he made us go through an unnecessary tough journey, hmm?”

Hearing Lian’er teasing, Old Tie’s face seemed to flush red and then white, though it was hard to tell with his dark complexion. He awkwardly stroked his short beard and said, “Well, these…these things are hard to predict. You can’t make guarantees. Back then, you’d both agreed, so how can that be my fault? Ahem… besides, it’s a good thing that we’re able to take that route on our way back, isn’t it? Better than crossing the desert again.”

Lian’er was being petty. It seemed this bit of teasing was she getting back at Old Tie for calling her frantic earlier. Seeing a commanding old hero unable to fight back after being mocked by his own goddaughter, I figured it wouldn’t be right to add insult to injury. So, I cleared my throat and changed the subject when I spoke again, “It doesn’t matter anymore as long as we can take the northern route. We’ve learned a lot on this journey, and since we’re ready, are we leaving right away?”

Even though the sun was already setting, it seemed more appealing to hit the road than to spend the night in this ghost town. As I thought about it, a wave of melancholy swept through me. Despite my reluctance to admit it, it did seem that I had been more of a burden on this journey. Especially after arriving here, I hadn’t helped much, nor did I play any part in their search. I simply waited until everything was settled and listened to what they had done, and now, we were heading back. It really was…

About that…. Zhu’er…” As I was quietly brooding over my frustrations, I heard Old Tie say, “How are you holding up? The northern route might be safer, but it can still be tough. How are you doing now? Can you handle the journey?”

“No problem!” I raised my head almost reflexively and responded, “I’m feeling much better. Besides, I think it might be because of the climate that I wasn’t feeling good. Rather than staying here, it’s better to leave.”

It would be one thing if I couldn’t help, but if I were to delay our return and cause any unwanted changes in the capital, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. So, I said that with unwavering resolve, my tone firm and decisive. Perhaps because I rarely spoke in a tone like that, as soon as I said that, they cast curious glances at me.

Though they looked, Lian’er said nothing, while Old Tie seemed to ponder for a moment before speaking, “Hmm, let’s decide after tonight. You two stay here. I plan to head into town tonight and take care of this…” As he spoke, he stood up and walked over to the small wooden chest, giving it a pat. “This is the dirty money I found after Jadey left. Earlier, when we were asking around, we met a few victims of the bandits who gave us leads. Some of this might belong to them. I’ll go find out, and if it does, I’ll return it. Whatever’s left, I’ll give it out to the poor folk nearby. Consider doing a good deed.”

Old Tie was a man of action. As he said that, he had already picked up the wooden chest, untying the horse reins, and mounting it. “You two wait here,” he said, “I’ll be back by midnight, or at the latest, by dawn.” With that, he tugged on the reins and was about to leave.

“Hold on a second.” Suddenly recalling something, I called out to stop him.

The old man halted and looked up at me. Without thinking much, I hurried over in a few steps and looked up. “Old Tie, if you’re planning to give out the money, could you let me take a small portion to give to that young guide as a token of my gratitude?”

Honestly, I did feel a bit guilty toward him. After shedding blood, I just left with Lian’er without a word, leaving him to deal with the aftermath. I still remembered the shocked, frozen look on his face, and I felt a little guilty about that. I couldn’t think of a way to make up for it. Now that I saw what Old Tie wanted to do, this idea suddenly came to me. 

I saw nothing wrong with the idea, but when I said that, I felt eyes on my back. I turned around, puzzled. By the campfire, Lian’er wasn’t looking this way; she was focused on adding dry wood to the fire, her expression calm, with the usual hint of a smile at the corner of her lips. 

“Oh? Oh, that’s fair enough. That young man did save your life before and had been diligently taking care of us at the inn these past days. Perfectly reasonable.”

I didn’t notice anything wrong, so I turned back around at Old Tie’s words. Old Tie sat on his horse, stroking his beard with a smile, and said, “But, is just giving some money enough? Do you have anything else you want to say to him? I’ll do you one better. If you have something you want to say, just let me know. I’ll pass it along, wrapping things up for you.”

I hadn’t considered it before, but I felt I should say something at his reminder. I looked and thought for a moment, and I said, “All right then, it’s just a few words. Please tell him—‘We walk different paths, parting with regret; your kindness repaid, my gratitude remains.’” 

A sharp crack sounded behind me. When I turned around again, it was just Lian’er snapping a thick piece of dry wood, nonchalantly tossing it into the fire.

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Slopaw’s note:
Hey everyone, since I can’t guarantee regular updates, I’ve decided to post all the chapters I’ve translated so far. There won’t be any more early chapters on Patreon from now on. Thank you to everyone who has supported me before, it really means a lot!

The Witch Nichang– Chapter 92

Seek

That night, Lian’er didn’t sleep so well. She, who usually fell asleep as soon as she hit the pillow, was tossing and turning.

Of course, being aware of that meant that I wasn’t sleeping too well either.

Unable to sleep, I wanted to get up, put on my coat, and take a walk outside as I usually did, but considering that Lian’er was also having trouble sleeping, it was better not to make any more noise to disturb her, so I held myself back from doing that and lay quietly in bed, patiently waiting for Zhougong^[1] to come.

I heard her turn again in the dark, betraying a slight restlessness even in her sleep. 

Nothing really bothered Lian’er. Her being like this almost certainly had something to do with our conversation earlier. Was I… asking too much of her? 

I couldn’t stop myself from reflecting on this, questioning myself. 

Even since we started our journey to the west, her words and actions these days have made my hope grow so fast that it is almost on the verge of losing control.

The possessiveness, the affection, all these fill me with anticipation. I even wonder sometimes if I could be more proactive and bold, I might have already gotten what I have longed for.

If that were the case, why would I have to be hard on her and torment myself as I do now?

But I know I can’t do that, no.

Because I know my place in Lian’er’s heart, I know that if I were to confess my feelings to her directly, she would probably reciprocate it and when that happens, our relationship would enter a whole new phase, a relationship that I long for, yet I would be stuck in another kind of worry. I wouldn’t be able to know if she has the same feelings as I do, or if it is just some vague, muddled affection that is misled.

Is that precious love given to me from the heart? Would she, a free-spirited person, someday taste true love from someone else? Every time I think of this possibility, it fills me with dread. So no matter how much I want it, I can’t do that.

All I can do is sow the seed and give my all to nurture it, hoping that I could reap the fruit that I dream of in the end. But I can’t do the sprouting and growing for her, and whatever fruit it would bear lies in her hands. 

All things considered, what I seek is just to have no regrets. Even if it means being hard on her now.

With my eyes closed, I lost track of time. When sleep finally came, all kinds of thoughts were still running through my mind like a reel of film. And before drifting off… the last thing I thought in a haze was that I had to take care of my own issue…

Although it makes me happy that Lian’er seems to care, it is also… dangerous…

Starting tomorrow… starting tomorrow…

Those thoughts I had before falling asleep were imprinted in my mind, so the next day onwards, I made it a point to distance myself from a certain person. The gatherings of song and dance in the courtyard outside the west window every afternoon were as lively as always, but I never opened the window again to watch.

The young guide still came to visit me regularly with the excuse of bringing me fruits and nuts. As he meant no harm, it wasn’t appropriate to turn him down, and I also owed him once. So I still treated him the same when we chatted, just with more formality.

Sometimes formality meant distance. 

I had considered using this young man’s affection to my benefit. Perhaps it could spur… But I decided against it on second thought. Why involve an innocent third person between us? While Lian’er’s concern was reassuring, it would be too grave of a sin if things went too far and cost the young man’s life. Unfortunately, even though I was looking out for him, he seemed oblivious to the danger he was in. 

When the young man seemed to sense my rejection, he became more frequent with his visits. It was hard to deal with his persistence and enthusiasm.

Things would have been easier if only he was straightforward about his feelings, but he only showed care and concern every time he visited me. It left me puzzled at times, wondering if both Lian’er and I had gotten it wrong?

Be it confusion or a sticky situation to handle, seeing Lian’er always wore her displeasure on her face, I felt I couldn’t ignore it any longer. If he didn’t make his feelings clear, then I would do it for him. Even if it turned out to be a misunderstanding, just let me flatter myself once. That would soothe a sore, though it wasn’t mine but Lian’er’s. 

I rehearsed what I was going to say a few times and thought of every scenario. I felt ready. The next day, I sat in my room and waited for him to show up. Ever since I stopped watching the gatherings in the courtyard, he seemed to have stopped joining. Instead, he visited me every afternoon at the same time, a time when Lian’er and Old Tie weren’t around. Maybe he found this time convenient, and of course, it was also a convenient time to talk things out.

The sun was setting. As I was waiting, I heard pattering footsteps coming from outside. These footsteps were familiar to me. I was so focused on what to do next that I didn’t notice right away the urgency in the footsteps that differed from the usual. When he barged in without greeting, I knew something was wrong.

The door had no lock, but he was usually respectful. Even if the door was slightly ajar, he would knock first and wait for permission before coming in coyly. He wouldn’t be so impertinent. And the usual smiling face that appeared from behind the door was now covered with sweat and panic, making things seem serious.

“What’s wrong?” I stood up, immediately putting what I had been ready to say behind. 

“Miss… Miss.. huff huff… you need to leave!” He was panting, as if he had rushed here. Trying to talk in between breaths, he grabbed my arm and exclaimed, “You need to go, trou…huff…trouble’s coming!”

Even though he appeared panicked, I wasn’t affected by it. When you saw the other person was panicking, it calmed you down instead. I took a small step back to slip my hand out of his. Then I went to the table to pour a bowl of tea and said, “Easy, take a breath. What exactly happened?”

“No, no, there’s no time!” The guy took the tea bowl but didn’t drink it, plunking it down on the table beside him. Almost stomping his foot, he said anxiously, “You have to leave now. I don’t know what your friends have been up to these days. They’ve attracted a gang of bandits. They’ve learned about this place and now they’re at the foothills. I asked my friend to hold them off, but he can’t hold them off for long. They’ll be here soon. It’s too dangerous for you to stay here alone. There’s no time to waste!”

As he spoke, I could already hear the commotion coming from outside. It wasn’t the cheerful noises of the Uyghur, but a more malicious clamor that you knew they didn’t come in peace.

I nodded and said, “Oh.” It didn’t surprise me. Because it wasn’t something too surprising. 

The risk had always been there. If we were going to search for these bandits, there was no promise they wouldn’t do the same to us. Obviously, the locals had more ways to get information than outsiders. Although Lian’er and Old Tie had been going out early and coming back late, trying to stay as low as possible and the innkeeper was also a friend of a friend, no secrets could be kept forever.

I wasn’t worried since Old Tie and Lian’er were together. The ones to suffer would definitely be the other party. Even a three-year-old could figure out what they would do next when they learned about their enemies’ base after they lost, especially knowing that one of their people was indisposed. 

Even though I hadn’t discussed it with anyone, I was ready for this in the first two days after waking up. And I had since decided what to do when it came to this. 

“By the way, how many people are out there this time?” With my mind made, I asked as I walked to the bedside, rummaging calmly for something. This might seem misleading to the young guide for he beseeched, “Don’t bother packing your stuff at a time like this! About five notorious bandits around this region are here. They’re strong! Even the authorities can’t do anything with them! Miss, you must leave with me quickly, or it’ll be too late!” 

He was taking a huge risk to come to me. I gave him a smile as a token of gratitude but continued with what I was doing. After gathering my belongings, I returned to the table and sat down, placing my short sword beside my sword hand. Then, I carefully wrapped a red silk around my hands and secured my sleeves, preparing my wrist guards.

“Miss—miss, you…” Seeing what I was doing, the young man seemed to realize what I was going to do, looking tongue-tied and unsure. 

The clamor outside was getting closer.

Suddenly, I felt that this was actually a good time. The thought brought a smile to my face. Without stopping what I was doing, I spoke, “Hey, actually, do you have a crush on me?”

It wasn’t how I planned to bring it up. I had intended to be more subtle and considerate of his feelings, certainly not as blunt as this. It seemed like Lian’er had rubbed off on me seeing that I got right to the point the first thing that came out of my mouth. Thinking this way somehow cleared my conscience. 

“Uh? Well, I, I…” The poor guy was taken aback, but he seemed to be stronger than he looked. Despite the suddenness of the question and the tense situation, he just stuttered for a moment before he nodded and answered resolutely, “Yes, yes, I really like you, beautiful lady!”

The “beautiful” made me chuckle while I sighed to myself, thinking how fortunate he was. As a man, regardless of the outcome, at least he could openly express his affection for someone he likes without much worry. 

Despite the lamentation, I asked casually, “Why do you like me? If we talk about appearance, the young woman I’m with deserves that more, no?” It was something that perplexed me. 

“It’s, it’s different. You sing well, very well. You’re gentle with kids, kind-hearted. You’re very brave when you chased after the water in the desert. I… it’s not just about your appearance…” He stuttered, seemingly trying hard to describe an image of a beautiful person in his mind. Unfortunately, the image was too good. It didn’t sound like me. 

Meanwhile, the clamor filled with menace and rage was already at the door.

There was no time for more. I sighed as I stood up, holding the short sword in my hand and straightening up my clothes. Before I went, I changed the subject and said, “You still have time. Escape through the window. What happens next has nothing to do with you.”

“No!” Perhaps he was a courageous person, or maybe it was the boost of courage after his confession. The young man stood tall and exclaimed, “I, I’ll protect you!” As soon as he said that, the door was kicked open with a loud bang.

Ignoring the menacing bandits by the door, I turned to him and asked, “You said you like my personality?” After seeing him nod, nervous and confused, I said with a smile, “Well, that’s too bad. The woman that you see here isn’t what you think she is. Like now, do you know why she’s not leaving?”

Our enemies were coming this way, brandishing their weapons. It was obvious the young man couldn’t continue the conversion in a situation like this, so I told him straightaway, “Because she wants to prove herself with their blood!”

With that, I kicked the table, drew my sword, and as the group of bandits was separated by the table, I leaped forward.

Hiding before they reach this place might be a viable option, but it wasn’t what I sought. I was a companion of Lian Nichang, and a person who sought to flee when faced with danger had no right to stand by her side. I needed her trust, and to earn it, I had to prove myself, to prove that I wasn’t a burden but someone of use.

There were four people, two wielding swords, one with a hammer, and the last one bareknuckle. The bareknuckle one seemed to be stronger than the others. Old Tie had shown us some of Jin Duyi’s martial moves that he knew on the way, so I could see that he was Jin Duyi’s direct disciple, which meant Lian’er had stumbled upon the right path, and they got desperate.

The room was too small. It was hard to move around. I was outnumbered by four to one, and my body that hadn’t fully recovered still felt a little weak. So I need to end this quickly!

With that goal in mind, I focused my attacks on one of them while mostly evading the other three. You couldn’t go wrong with taking them down one by one. In just a short while, the two swordsmen had taken some hits on their arms and became so bloody that it was difficult for them to wield the swords. This time, I went in full force. They were big time bandits. There was no reason to hold back. 

The two swordsmen were no longer a threat, and the hammer wielder was slow, posing no great danger. There was only one left, also the strongest among the four.

I didn’t have much experience fighting with a bare knuckle opponent. The Dali Jingang on Yunu Peak left a strong impression on me, but this man was different from him, one was forceful, the other was elusive, dripping with dank cold. I studied his moves and looked for openings. We had exchanged over ten moves, but I still struggled to find an opening for a fatal blow.

Since my body hadn’t fully recovered, gradually, I began to feel a little breathless. Panic surged in me. I had to win this fight. I couldn’t afford any mistakes. With more force, I pressed forward, aiming my sword at his vitals. He grew flustered, his moves becoming erratic. In the heat of the fight, I saw an opening. With a swift strike, I went straight at a vital point on his shoulder.  

If this strike landed, I would have defeated him. However, in the heat of the moment, he evaded hastily, and my strike missed its mark. The sensation of metal piercing flesh transmitted through the sword to my hand, and crimson flowers blossomed before my eyes.

Panting, I watched as he limped to the ground. A stream of liquid gushed from his neck, winding into a red rivulet on the ground. My heart was pounding, yet not as quick as I had imagined. Sheathing my sword, I cast a slow glance at the remaining three, only to see their figures fleeing in haste.

It was the laws of nature in troubled times. I was just fitting in.

From then on, I was like her. 

“Hmph, those bastards run faster than rabbits when they flee.”

A hand rested on my shoulder, a familiar voice chuckling behind me, tinged with discontent and mockery. It was only then I realized the real reason they had fled in panic.

Turning around, I smiled at her and said, “See, I can handle it myself.”

“Mm.” The young woman nodded, holding the bag that I had packed on the bedside table earlier. She shook it and said with a smile, “Let’s go, there’s no need to stay here anymore. We’ve taken out their old lair.”

As she said that, it seemed like she was going to wrap her arm on my waist, but after a moment’s thought, she held my hand instead. The moment she held my hand, I heard her whisper, “I think I’ve understood something. I’ll tell you later.”

Startled, before I could think about it, she took me through the door. Looking at her back, I told myself not to think too much into it. I might get a laughable answer again, but my heart couldn’t help but soar with joy. 

Or it might be because we were locking our hands now. 

---

[1] A regent of the early Zhou Dynasty, culturally also known as the God of dreams.

The Witch Nichang– Chapter 91

Think

It wasn’t long ago that Lian’er was telling me that the reason she wanted someone by her side wasn’t that she wanted someone to worry all day about how to protect her. But what she didn’t know was that most of the time, this person already had to give everything they had just to not be a burden to her. 

What was ironic was even when giving everything she had, the result often went against expectations.

I felt frustrated, even embarrassed. It wasn’t about my ego or anything. I once promised her to stand by her side, even in death. Saying that didn’t just mean having the determination to be with her even in death, but also the capability to stand by her side. If I burdened her or tied her down, holding her back from spreading her wings, then this promise is better left unspoken. 

She didn’t need a person of use to her, but I had to become someone of use to her. These two things weren’t contradictory. But I didn’t know how to explain this to her, and I reckoned she wouldn’t even listen.

Towards the end of that day, Lian’er ended up agreeing to go with Old Tie, but it seemed she was doing it out of spite more than anything. In the days that followed, she would go out early and come back late. When she came into the room, she always had a straight face. She barely spoke a few words before closing her eyes to meditate. Only when I tried to talk to her would she say one or two words in reply.

I thought she was angry with me and that she would soon get over it, but it had been a few days, and she didn’t seem to be getting over it. This never happened before apart from the time she one-sidedly had beef with me when she was a kid. I had to face the fact that I had really upset her. It left me at a loss because this was the first time that there was a conflict between her expectations of me and my expectations of her.

However, I couldn’t back down on matters of principle despite not having any other good way to face her. So, all I could think of now was to make peace with her and show her with time that I could stand by her, not someone who needed to live under her protection and hold her back from soaring high. 

So, even if I had to upset Lian’er for now, that was how it was. I could only hope that she would understand me soon and then would appreciate it.

Apart from this minor hiccup with Lian’er, it had been a few rather pleasant days. A couple of days ago, the wound on my head had been torturing me, but it had been getting better. With sufficient rest and hydration, the random nosebleeds had never occurred again. Old Tie and Lian’er would go out every day to gather information. When I was alone, the young guide would often visit me with some refreshing fruits and nuts and chat with me, so I didn’t feel lonely.

Unfortunately, Lian’er was still angry with me. Every night when she returned, she wouldn’t even touch the sweet fruits I left especially for her, and I could do nothing with her. 

Another thing I could do nothing about was the speed of my recovery. If possible, I wanted to get better quickly and join them since it was the main purpose of this journey. But it had been five days. Other than not feeling sick anymore, my body still felt weak, not having much strength in me. 

Despite feeling anxious about this, I didn’t want to rush things. Rushing always messed things up, so I could only meditate every day following a fixed routine, and I spent the rest of the time on two boring activities, zoning out and gazing out the window at the scenery. 

The tapestries and large pillows, the stained glass window and the grapevine, these might seem exotic to people from the Central Plains, but to me, they were nothing new. I got bored with them after some time. 

But I would always hear people singing and dancing every other day or so. It came from the courtyard outside the west window, the innkeeper’s personal courtyard. The Uyghurs were known for their singing and dancing. In the afternoons, when it wasn’t busy, I could always see a group of people get together or sit in the corridor or under the grape arbor, chatting and enjoying some fruits and dairy snacks they had prepared. When the mood struck, they would play the hand drum, the innkeeper would play some instrument and sing, and the others would join in and dance. The music had an upbeat and lively rhythm, filling the courtyard with joy. 

I found this unexpected event a little annoying at first, but as time went on and when the restlessness and boredom set in, I pushed open the windows and looked out. I began to find it delightful and interesting watching these people singing and dancing, being carefree. After that, I didn’t mind watching this play out every day.

As I did so for the next two days, I, the audience by the corner window, caught the attention of the group, not to mention there was a familiar face among the people entertaining themselves. The young guide, who claimed to be a friend of the innkeeper, was naturally among them. Even since he noticed me, he would bow at the window from a distance, extending a warm invite to me. Despite me pointing at my head injury and shaking my head to decline his offer every time, he never seemed discouraged and would extend the same warmth again the next time. 

Today marked the fifth day since arriving in this foreign land. I didn’t know how it was going out there, but my days continued to be monotonous and uneventful. As usual in the afternoon, the sounds of revelry and music came from beneath the grape arbor. The guide was also present. After the customary failed invitation, he didn’t seem disheartened. Instead, with the encouragement of others, he picked up the unique-looking Uyghur instrument and began playing and singing a song with an upbeat melody.

I couldn’t understand what he was singing as he was singing in Uyghur. At first, I listened by the window with a smile, but gradually, I started feeling something was off. Not only did the young man gaze at me as he was singing, but also those around him who were cheering him, despite their joviality, turned their attention to me and glanced at me from time to time. Besides their hospitable nature, the air seemed to emanate an ambiguous… affection. 

Sensing that, a thought crossed my mind. I looked again at the singing young man and thought of his recent enthusiasm and warmth. Suddenly, I felt the smile on my face froze.

But no matter what I thought, it was still a good-natured gesture, so I continued to listen without moving until it was over. Then I took the chance to close the window before the forced smile on my face faded.

With a sigh, I covered my face with my hands, kneading the stiff muscles. Just as I was about to gather my thoughts, I heard a bitter chuckle from the door.

“Lian’er?” Startled, I didn’t even have to turn around to know who it was just by her laughter. As expected, who else could the young woman leaning against the door be? She had been out and about these past few days. It was normal that she was grubby when she came back. Usually, I would have the bath ready for her, but she had obviously returned earlier today. My first thought was that I hadn’t prepared the water, so I said, “Just wait a moment, I’ll have someone heat some water and bring it over.” With that, I was about to go out. But as I reached the door, someone stopped me. 

Taken aback, I realized that the person in front of me seemed off, her stunning face tightly drawn, as if it had been cloaked in frost. Connecting it with the earlier bitter chuckle, a suspicion arose in my mind, but it wasn’t the time to point that out, so I pretended not to know and asked, “Lian’er, what’s the matter? Is there something you want to say?”

She first stared at me with widened eyes, as if a fire had ignited within her, and then, as if she had encountered a difficult problem, she tilted her head to the side, her brows furrowed, looking like she was thinking. After a moment of thought, she fixed her gaze back on me and asked, “Tell me, do you like that guide?”

I knew she was direct and spoke with no filter, but I didn’t expect her to be this direct that it startled me. For a moment, I didn’t know how to respond. If it were someone else asking, I would have firmly denied it, but coming from Lian’er, I wasn’t so sure… wasn’t sure what exactly she meant by “like.”

Did she mean it in a way most people associated with a hint of jealousy? Could I really take it that way? I didn’t want to raise my hopes, so I opted for the safest approach and said with a chuckle, “I don’t dislike him since he saved my life before.”

“Right.” She stayed still and said, her eyes burning into me, “He saved your life, carried you to safety, and even helped stop your bleeding. Now he sings for you every day in the courtyard. So, do you like him?”

I sighed, unable to keep talking around the topic under her intense gaze. I gave up on prodding her and spoke honestly, “Lian’er, like I’ve said before, there are many kinds of like. Yes, I don’t dislike him. If you ask if I like him, maybe a little, but that’s completely different from how I feel about you. There’s simply no comparison between the two.”

“Of course, they’re different.” But she followed up with, “I can see that he likes you. If you like him too, then it’s romantic. Of course, they’re different from how you feel about me!”

I never expected her to think this way, never. 

I stared at her, opened my mouth but utterly lost for words, just as my feelings now. 

Should I be panicking? Should I be flustered? Should I explain? Should I be angry? Or should I hold onto hope? With so many emotions swirling inside, my face was devoid of any expression. After a while, I lifted the corners of my lips into a faint smile, and said, “If it’s really romantic love, Lian’er, what would you do?”

Still frowning, she replied, “They say romantic feelings between a man and a woman are very common. If I were to like someone, I wouldn’t mind letting you know. So… so you, you just admit it. I hate it when people beat around the bush and keep things from me…” As she spoke, she seemed to get upset again, her voice trailing off.  

What was she upset about? I was too exhausted to guess. Her response slashed through my heart like a blade. Even though I was ready for it and it wasn’t fatal, merely leaving a shallow graze on the surface, when the dull ache started spreading, bringing with it a biting twinge, it was more excruciating than a straight-up stab.  

“Lian’er…” I couldn’t think anymore. What I did next wasn’t thought through. I closed in on her, almost out of instinct. Looking at the charming young woman before me, I reached out to brush her cheek. The warm and soft touch was comforting, and I said, smiling, “If you don’t mind, then neither do I, but it also means that from now on, things like this…” I looked down and pecked on her soft lips, ‘’or things like this…” Trailing upwards, I lightly bit on her right earlobe, “From now on, I’ll only accept these from him, and he alone has the right to it. Have you forgotten? You can only have this intimacy in the third kind of relationship.”

Looking at her eyes at such a close distance, I could see the changes in her eyes clearly. The expression in her eyes changed rapidly from confusion to astonishment and then swiftly to some kind of resolution. Perhaps she had never dwelled on things. Rather than navigating in the complex maze of thought, she was better at making quick gut responses.

“He doesn’t have that right!” At last. That was her gut response.

I secretly heaved a sigh of relief, a sense of pride in her emerging in me, soothing the dull ache of the shallow wound. This time, my smile was genuine, and I kept on, “Then, who has the right? Who has the right to do that?”

“No one does!” She answered unequivocally. “I like touching you, so no one else can! You can like someone else, but it cannot be more than you like me!” 

Assertive, domineering, possessive, dictatorial, willful as always.

“But Lian’er…” I reminded her, “We’re not a man and a woman. Doing things that only couples do, don’t you find it strange?”

I wanted to give her time to think it over, even wanted to indulge a little longer in that naive intimacy, but I couldn’t help but reveal it to her. At that moment, I really hoped she would blurt out something, yet I was also afraid of what she might blurt out.

“I…” What she said in the end was, “I, I’ll go kill that guy!”

A sigh. I couldn’t help but sigh, but after that, I couldn’t suppress a smile. It was always like this. Rather than cumbersome thinking, it was better to remove the source of the threat directly. As always, this was my Lian’er.

I grabbed the young woman who was about to act on what she said and hugged her waist, resting my head on her slender shoulder, stopping her from moving. I murmured, almost as if talking to myself, “Lian’er, don’t. Think, think harder. Trust me, trust me, you have to… trust me…”

Perhaps these words didn’t seem to make any sense, but they came right out of my heart at this moment. Think harder, Lian’er, think, really think, and then, trust me.

Only then I can see the future.

---

The Witch Nichang– Chapter 90

Feelings

I went out like a light when I lost consciousness. But coming back to consciousness was slow and torturing.

Feeling the sensations from the outside world, my five senses were coming back to me bit by bit, the soft fabric against my skin, the blurry shades of light, and the silence around me. The familiar sound of wind in the desert land was gone. The support below that carried me didn’t sway. The air I breathed still smelled of sun, dry and hot, with an extra hint of hemp, and another elusive scent. 

My throat felt swollen and sore but not as bad as the dizziness. Despite the intense dizziness, there was another sensation overshadowing it. 

There was warmth on my lips, touching lightly and then moving away, over and over again, like a fish pecking. This sensation took over all discomfort, becoming the most vivid feeling. 

As the warmth drew away once again, I smiled and opened my dry eyes. Light flooded in, the figure before my eyes turning from blur to clarity. Looking at her, I murmured, “Didn’t we agree not to do this… are…are you still thinking about that competition?”

She didn’t look surprised at all. She simply stood up and answered me earnestly, “I don’t have to listen to everything you say. Of course, I won’t take advantage of you while you’re out either.”

My head was still spinning, so I didn’t try to get up. I closed my eyes and opened them again, then my memory began to clear. 

“It seems like I fell…” I chuckled wryly, mixed with apology and guilt. 

“You fell and hit your head,” she affirmed with a nod, still looking at me with a straight face. 

I reached up to touch my forehead, and as expected, a bandage tightly wrapped around my head. A throbbing pain pulsed near my right temple. The moment of weightlessness that night seemed to linger in my body, as if it had happened just a second ago. But as I moved my dry eyes to look around, the interior that I saw deepened my wry smile, “It seems like… I’ve been out for a long time. Did I miss a lot?”

“You’ve been unconscious for more than two days. We’ve reached our destination and are now staying at an inn. The doctor had just left when you woke up.” Lian’er recounted calmly as she stood up and went to fetch a bowl of water at the table. “Have some tea. The doctor said you need to get plenty of rest and drink herbal tea. It’ll help with the nosebleeds.”

Looking at the person by the table, I got a feeling… that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. The way she spoke and acted seemed a little different from what I remembered, but I couldn’t tell what exactly was different. I blinked and gave up thinking about it because of the headache. 

When she approached with the bowl, I tried to sit up and take it from her, but before I could do that, I heard a loud knocking, like someone banging on the door. When I listened again, it was indeed what I had heard. Someone was banging on the door and shouting, “Jadey, I’m back! How’s Zhu’er? At least open the door and let me have a look!”

Lian’er and I frowned at the same time. I didn’t know why she did that, but for me, loud noises were a torture at the moment. My head felt like it was going to explode. I had to give up trying to get up and close my eyes. 

There was a little clack of something being set down, followed by the noise of the door unlocking and creaking open. Someone was speaking loudly as they strode over. I sensed a different warmth and presence nearing me, which made me turn my head and open my eyes amidst the headache, looking warily at the frisky man beside me. 

When he saw the alert in my eyes, his hand that was reaching for my forehead stopped. “Zhu’er, you’re awake? Uh, what’s going on? Why are you glaring at me like I’m a bad guy…” He awkwardly retracted his hand and turned to shout at Lian’er, “Hey, Jadey, what did the doctor say? Why does she seem a bit off? Can we trust the local doctor?”

“Who told you to make so much noise? The doctor said she needs to rest quietly. Quiet, do you not understand that? You deserve that glare.” Lian’er came to us slowly, answering nonchalantly, however, there was a hint of curiosity in her eyes as she looked at us, as if she was observing and thinking.

Surrounded by the stare of them both, I chucked awkwardly and greeted, “Old Tie… I just woke up, so I’m a bit confused. Please don’t mind…”

That seemed to relax the old man. He laughed, stroking his beard, and said, “No worries, as long as you’re awake. You’re good in every other way, but why does trouble always find you? That night, seeing you covered in blood and lying there had us scared to death. Oh, by the way…” He seemed to recall something and strode to the door, shouting out the door, “Hey, are you coming in? She’s awake now, you can come and see her.”

I didn’t know who he’s talking to, so I turned to Lian’er in confusion, only to see her expression darken, as if she wasn’t happy with what he did, but she didn’t say anything and didn’t stop him either, which made me even confused. 

Outside, there was the hasty pattering of footsteps, growing louder as they approached. Then, a face with some mixed-blood features appeared at the door, the thick brows and big eyes brimming with concern and excitement. As soon as he noticed my stare, the concern and excitement on his face turned into shyness. The young man took a few steps closer and stopped. He stuttered, “Um, es—esteemed friend, miss, thank God, you—you finally woke up. Are you okay? That’s great!”

My throbbing brain was working stiffly, and I finally remembered this person. I wanted to greet him but couldn’t remember his name. It wasn’t because I hit my head. It was that I didn’t pay much attention to the names of the two guides before, so I just smiled and nodded, not quite understanding why Old Tie had called him over. 

Even though I was confused, with two men standing in the room, I couldn’t continue lying down without qualms. So I looked at Lian’er and asked sincerely, “Lian’er, I want to have some water. Can you please help me up?” 

I said that because I felt weak and wanted Lian’er to help me get up. She responded readily enough, picking up the tea bowl she had put down and bringing it over, but instead of helping me up, she raised it to her lips and took a sip as I looked at her, puzzled.

And the next moment, everything went dark before my eyes, her face enlarging and her body closing in. As the softness melded against my lips, a cool stream flowed into my mouth. Overwhelming surprise seized my breath, my throat tensed up; I almost forgot how to swallow. Then I felt a pressure in my mouth, followed by her fingers pressing lightly on my neck. I heard the gulping sound from my throat, and I realized I had swallowed it.

I froze up like a statue until she got up, wiped her lips as if nothing had happened, and asked, “Want some more?” My almost rusted still brain slowly creaked back to life. I looked incredulously at her. Lian’er who was seemingly upset just moments ago now had a touch of a smile on her lips. Without time to think about the reason, I glanced at the other two people in the room, panicking.

Even if I had somewhat used to the random moments of intimacy over the past few days, how could… how could she do it in front of…

Blushing, I looked over, but the reactions of those two were unexpected.

The young guide’s reaction seemed relatively usual. He was at least a little embarrassed. But Old Tie, like Lian’er, acted as if it was nothing. Perhaps noticing my uneasy expression, as if something dawned on him, he tried to reassure me instead, “Hey, why are you blushing, girl? Jianghu people don’t care about formality! You know, these past few days, you couldn’t keep water down. It’s all thanks to Jadey forcing it down with qi. Otherwise, you would have died of dehydration already. You should thank her properly. Mm, since you two are like sisters, I guess there’s no need for thanks… now it seems like I’m being too formal…”

The old man kept rambling on, and in the end, his lecturing turned into him talking to himself. I heard it loud and clear. My embarrassment faded, but the feeling of aggravation grew heavier. I looked at the person beside me and whispered a thank you, but then I saw the smiling face drop, and with a huff, she said, “For what? The one you should be thanking the most is not me.” With that, she turned away, looking displeased once again.

I was bewildered. What is this all about?

After that, I pushed myself to sit up, listening to everyone who gathered in the room talking. During that time, Lian’er didn’t say much, leaving most of the explanation to the two men. Gradually, I began to understand what Lian’er meant earlier.

From what they said, the person I should be thanking for that night was actually the young guide. That night, because of the sudden vestige, I fell from the camel and lost consciousness right away. It was hard to tell if I was still alive. The older guide felt that it was a bad omen and believed that the odds were against us, so he got scared and wanted to run away with the camels. It was the young guide who had some semblance of integrity. He managed to keep two camels and stayed back, even clumsily trying to stop the bleeding from my head injury. Then he took me with him to hide in the shadows and waited. 

“Good lad! If he hadn’t stayed behind and helped stop your bleeding, it might have been too late when we returned.” At that, Old Tie patted the young lad with a shy smile commendably on the shoulder, then his tone changed, and he said indignantly, “I can’t believe that I was only half-right about people this time. That bastard who ran away alone, he’d better hope he’s lucky enough and not let me see him again, or I’ll give him hell!” 

At this, Lian’er, who had been quiet, suddenly let out a cold laugh, a hint of ruthlessness flashed across her eyes. The air in the room suddenly plunged. The young guide shivered and scratched his head, confused. I smiled, not wanting to stay on this topic any longer, and asked them to continue.

What happened next was obvious. Old Tie and Lian’er easily defeated the bandits, and in the process, saved the merchant caravan. They even unexpectedly got some useful information. Who knew when they came back with light hearts, they found that the caravan was missing, only drops of blood on the ground. Fortunately, the young guide emerged from his hiding spot with me in time, sparing them a heart attack.

Even so, according to the old man, they were quite startled. At that time, they found me with my eyes shut, my clothes stained with patches of red, and traces of blood on my mouth, nose, and forehead, looking like I was dying. After learning what had happened, he was worried sick, blaming himself for misjudging the old guide when hiring him. He was about to go after the runaway guide, but Lian’er and the young guide stopped him in time. They then took all that was left and joined the rescued merchant caravan. The caravan had just been robbed and was still in shock, so when their saviors came to them, they were more than happy to have us. Throughout the journey, they took good care of us and provided us with some basic medicines for injuries. Thanks to that, we could cross the Kuruk Tagh Mountains safely and reach our final destination—Turpan.

After listening to their story and looking around the room, I didn’t know what to say. The furnishings in the room were slightly different, but it didn’t feel like I was in a foreign land. I wanted to move towards the windows to take a look. I placed my hand on the edge of the bed, but my weak body refused to cooperate. I just slumped to the side a little, and Lian’er was immediately here to catch me.

“Zhu’er, take it easy. With your condition now, there’s nothing you can do except to rest.” It was Old Tie who spoke. Seeing my attempt to get up, he probably thought I was eager to get up, so he patted his chest and said, “Let Jadey stay with you and leave the rest to me! With that information, even if those guys are hiding underground, I can dig them out for sure!”

“Information?” I asked, perplexed. Then I remembered what they said earlier about the useful information they got when they defeated the bandits and saved the caravan that night. I glanced at the person beside me questioningly. Lian’er took the hint and explained in a serious tone, “It’s about Old Jin’s disciples. A couple of them got together and formed a bandit group, occupying a large area nearby. The other bandits couldn’t do anything about them, so they left to seek livelihood elsewhere, which led them right to us. Stepfather wants to take the opportunity to find out the gang’s hideout from them, and that’s how he found out Old Jin’s whereabouts.”

She explained that in a few sentences. I nodded to show that I understood. After pondering for a moment, I raised my head and said, “In that case, we should look at the bigger picture. Going alone might put you at a disadvantage. Lian’er, it’s better that you go with the old man. I’d be less worried when you guys are asking around.”

When I said that, before Lian’er could say anything, the old man at the table frowned and slammed the table, saying, “What nonsense! Are you looking down on me, girl? Even if Jin Duyi himself comes to me, let alone his disciples, I, Tie Feilong, will not be afraid at all!”

The slam was so loud that I felt a throb in my temple. I rubbed my eyes and said, smiling meekly, “Oh Sir, not at all, I’ve seen how good you are. How would I dare to look down on you? But as the saying goes, even a mighty dragon cannot crush a snake in its lair. This place is their territory. It’s hard to say that you won’t get ambushed when you’re asking around. I’m not afraid if they come directly at you. It’s the ambush that I’m afraid of. I just want to be safe to have Lian’er with you, so both of you can watch each other’s backs.”

Some things were best left unsaid. If Tie Feilong were to be ambushed, and given my current condition, Lian’er alone might not be able to hold out. That was the situation that I feared the most. 

However, even if I had thought of everything, there was no guarantee that he would understand or appreciate it. 

“Do you really want me to go with Stepfather?” The girl beside me arched her brows, her eyes wide and her face growing cold.

I knew it was bad when I saw that, but I couldn’t back down. I smiled and took her hand, speaking softly, “Lian’er, now that I’m awake, as you said, all I need is to rest. Old Tie needs you more than me. Otherwise, I’d be worried. Right now, we’re in the same boat. If one goes down, everyone goes down. We need to straighten our priorities, don’t you think?”

“But…” She hesitated for a moment, but still continued, annoyed, “You’re the one worries me most. Without anyone with you, what if something happens to you again!” She said that in all seriousness. The more serious she was, the more it gnawed at me and weighed on me. 

I clenched my teeth and forced a smile, saying, “You just go ahead. I’ll take care of myself. Besides… besides, I’m not alone here. The guide is still here, isn’t it? After what happened last time, we know that he’s reliable. Don’t worry.”

At that, the fourth person in the room chimed in. It seemed that the young man couldn’t catch up with us when we were talking fast. Now that he seemed to hear something he knew, he joined in enthusiastically, “Yes, I’ll take good care of her. The innkeeper is a good friend of mine, so you don’t have to worry!”

---

The Witch Nichang– Chapter 89

Go On

No matter what had happened, and how the future might be, we must go on with what we were doing. 

Lian’er stubbornly refused to agree to what I suggested. I knew there was no point in convincing her, so I put it aside for the time being, and we started on our way back before the sun rose. Thankfully, it was a smooth journey and went without a hitch. Even so, it was already dawn by the time we made it back and regrouped with the camel caravan that was waiting for us at the same place. The rising sun was unobstructed, reflecting the trepidation in their eyes.

When we took the filled water pouches and poured out the luscious water to share, the two guides dropped to their knees facing west, praying reverently while murmuring some kind of chant. They were thanking their God, but actually, they should have thanked the girl in front of them. 

God had hidden the water but not from the eyes of Rakshasa.

The water was a reassurance to the team. Holding the water pouch, Old Tie gulped down the content and let out a satisfied sigh. After a while, he furtively pulled me aside and told me that the older guide was indeed acting suspicious last night, but thankfully, he didn’t give him any chance to do anything. After that, he patted my back and complimented me that for someone who usually kept to herself, I sure had a keen eye for people. I smiled, neither agreeing or disagreeing. I didn’t want to tell him that I had never fully trusted him either. 

In times of crisis, my trust lay not in Tie Feilong himself but his pride and confidence. Now that I think of it, I’m just a coward who is always suspicious of others. 

I didn’t have to let anyone know what I was thinking. Since everyone was fine and everything turned out well, we could leave it at that. That day, the caravan took a detour and headed towards the dried-up lake. We arrived at dusk. This time, it was Lian’er and Old Tie who went down to fetch water. It took them about three to four trips to replenish the caravan’s water reserve. The empty water barrier on the camels was filled again. There was nothing more comforting than that in the desert. 

We rested by the lake that night. Lian’er and I were worn out from the previous trip, so we just crashed out. It was a silent night. However, when we left the next morning, Lian’er, seated on the camel, glanced back at the receding lake. Suddenly, she leaned close to my ear and whispered, “When we were fetching water yesterday, Old Tie was just waiting at the bottom of the hole. He didn’t enter the water cave.”

My ear felt ticklish. I had to lean back a little. I didn’t understand why she was bringing this up, so I smiled and said casually, “Yeah, the gap in the rocks was too small. Old Tie probably couldn’t squeeze through with his burly body.”

“So…” she added with a smug smile, “When we came out, I sealed the cave with rocks to make sure that even if someone goes down there in the future, they won’t see anything.”

I was confused. I asked, perplexed, “Why would you do that? What if someone’s looking for water?” But she rolled her eyes and huffed nonchalantly, not answering my question. 

At that time, I didn’t understand what she was doing, and later on, I couldn’t figure it out either. I didn’t actually try to figure it out because after that, just dealing with all the situations that happened every now and then along the way was exhausting enough. And the so-called situations were just certain… behaviors of Lian’er.

I didn’t know how that situational intimacy in the cave had affected her, but it did cause some changes in Lian’er behaviors afterward. The most noticeable one was her increasingly frequent…physical contact, even going as far as more intimate skin-to-skin contact.

I remembered she used to detest these contacts when we were young, probably feeling somewhat belittled by them. Now that she had gotten a taste of something different, she was so eager to “belittle” me. And this enthusiasm of hers was giving me a headache.

But I was somewhat relieved that although she wouldn’t agree to a certain request earlier, she wouldn’t insist on getting her way at my refusal. When I refused her attempt for the first time, I thought it would upset her, but surprisingly, it didn’t. Instead of getting upset, she tried all kinds of ways to… tease me. Although Lian’er didn’t really understand what teasing was. 

I didn’t know what she was thinking. Was she trying to divert her annoyance? Or was she just curious? Anyway, when she couldn’t get the “competition” she wanted, she started to become interested in other places. Oftentimes, as we jolted and swayed on the camel’s back, she would suddenly lean over and peck my cheek or my chin, sometimes even my nose, eye, or ear as if nothing happened.

If it was just that, it would be fine, but a lot of times, she would stick out a bit of her tongue and brush my face as she moved away, and that was something I couldn’t stand. So, from then on, every time she hugged me from behind, I had to be on my guard. It used to be a place where I could let down my guard, and now I had to constantly stay alert to not be surprised by her spontaneous actions while I wasn’t paying attention.

Sometimes, I felt like it was as if she had discovered an uncharted territory worth exploring. It didn’t matter where exactly she was exploring, what mattered was that it was fun. 

Sadly, as the subject of her exploration, I obviously lacked the effective way to deal with her antics. I was even secretly relieved that this explorer’s antics were limited to the area above my neck, and she knew to maintain some degree of decorum and only did that when we were alone. It was just that since we spent a lot of time on the top of the last camel, the time when we were alone seemed a bit too much. 

I had to admit, other than annoyance, I could sometimes taste the faint hint of sweetness and hope about this change. Lian’er didn’t mean any harm; I had no doubt about this. If the so-called “competition” was confounding, then the frequent probes and touches at least proved that she accepted, and even enjoyed this kind of intimacy. Acceptance and enjoyment, after all, offered more promise than rejection and aversion. 

I didn’t know if she had taken what I said that night to heart nor if she had thought about the answer. Lian’er had always been someone who liked to make her own decisions. She would ask if she couldn’t figure it out. Since I had given her the choice, all I had to do was wait. But who would have known while I was waiting, I would have to endure this torment. 

All I could do was gaze up at the sky in resignation. If this kept on, I wasn’t sure if her relentless curiosity would wane first, or if my depleting patience would wear thin first. Maybe the heavens had heard my wish because in two days, a solution presented itself.  Unfortunately, this solution had nothing to do with the anticipated relief. 

Heading north all the way, we finally made it through the desert, but the surroundings remained desolate, with masses of rocks and stretches of sand appearing alternatingly. Gradually, the rugged Kuruktag Mountains come into view. Over this sprawling mountain range lay ahead of us was the way out of this no man’s land, and further down the road was an easy ride leading directly to Turpan. However, in the days of traversing the mountains, my body was getting weaker and started to act up again. 

It was only after we left Dunhuang and started traversing through this harsh, arid desert that I realized that my body in this world had a tough time adapting to the weather. Other things I could handle, but the uncontrollable nosebleeds were a lot to handle. I thought it got better in Lop Nur, but now, it came back again unexpectedly. It was just a few drops at first, then it became more and more, until it reached a point where even when I pressed my hand against my nose, they would seep out between my fingers. 

I didn’t hide it from Lian’er this time. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. As this happened, her playful mood was gone, and every day, she would remind me to drink water and rest whenever she was free. Even so, my condition didn’t seem to get better. We only had so much water for each day. With the bleeding getting worse, I became weaker and weaker. 

Finally, Lian’er got worried. She badgered the guides to go without stopping. The guide, summoning his courage, tried to explain how it isn’t a good idea, but he almost got himself killed by her sword. Seeing the chaos unfold because of me, I couldn’t think of any other way but felt bad for him and tried to convince her otherwise. All I could do was hope that we would reach an inhabited area faster, where my condition could get better, just like it did in Lop Nur. 

Unfortunately, the more we tried to rush, the easier it was to get into trouble. 

Under the pressure of Lian’er and Old Tie, the two guides reluctantly braved themselves and pushed on without stopping. Traveling through the rugged mountains late at night was very dangerous because it was easier to get lost, slip, or even come across bandits. So, when the night wind carried the neighing of horses and the cries of people echoed from the distance, the guides’ faces were instantly drained of blood. 

They immediately stopped the caravan, urging us to dismount the camels, and kept motioning a silent gesture as they explained with their quivering voice that there must be a caravan being robbed ahead, and we needed to stay low tonight. It was a normal reaction because they had never gotten to know how strong the old man and the girl traveling with them were. 

Old Tie, of course, wasn’t afraid of troubles. He guffawed and exclaimed, “Haha! I’ve been bored for the past few days. It’s about time the heavens let me loosen these old bones of mine! Let’s see how strong the bandits are in the West compared to those from the Central Plains!” With a laugh, he darted towards the hillside like a soaring eagle.

But Lian’er didn’t follow after him. She glanced at me hesitantly and stayed seated. Robbing was something she did for a living, her expertise. How could I not understand her itch? So I wriggled out of her arms, smiling, nudged her, and said, “Chief Lian, Hero Lian, what are you waiting for? If you wait too long, there’s nothing left for you after Old Tie has loosened his bones.”

Indecision wasn’t Lian’er’s nature. With a little teasing, she shot me a glare, then thought for a moment, and said, “Fine, you stay put on the camel and don’t move. Drink water when you’re thirsty. I’ll be right back!” After seeing me give her a serious nod, she leaped off the camel and vanished into the night sky. 

I saw her off with a smile, then I turned to look at the guides whose face turned even paler and said affably, “Don’t worry. Even if there are thousands of soldiers on the other side, those two can still take the head of the general. They both are people who’ve made their name. The sword isn’t just for show, and of course, they won’t kill innocent people. Relax.” When I asked them to relax, I myself was relaxing. Looking at the crescent moon and listening to the clamor of cries and shouts coming from the other side, I was calm. All I had to do was wait for her return. 

But it was at that moment, I felt a slight itch on my nose and saw the crimson droplets on the back of my hand. It was already the fourth time that day. I had gotten used to it these days. Tilting my head back, I pressed one hand against the bleeding nostril, the other reaching for my water pouch at my waist. But the bleeding was heavier this time. As I tilted my head and pressed against it, the blood flowed back too quickly, and I choked on it, setting off a fit of uncontrollable coughing. As I fumbled, a sudden wave of dizziness hit me like a crashing wave against a shore. 

Shit… a flash of thought in a haze. Instinctively, I wanted to grab onto the camel saddle, but my hands couldn’t react fast enough. My body felt weightless for a moment, and then I heard the sound of my skull hitting the ground. 

That was the last sound I heard that night.

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Slopaw’s note:
Hey, sorry for being away for so long. I’ve been busy with uni and work, leaving me little free time for TWN. I’ll keep translating it but the chapters will be slower. I can’t guarantee when the next chapter will be out. Thanks again to everyone who’s stuck with me and supported me on Kofi and Patreon. There are times when I feel like giving up on TWN, but whenever I see your nice comments about TWN and how much you enjoy it, it makes me wanna continue it. I still love TWN, which is why I’m still translating it whenever I have some spare time. Anyway, I just wanted to give you some updates about TWN, which I should have done earlier. Hope you have a nice day 🙂

The Witch Nichang– Chapter 88

Lips

Does she know what she’s doing right now? No, she doesn’t. 

Is this a kiss? No, it isn’t. 

It wasn’t her lips that touched my lips. The warm, soft, supple presence felt like a tongue, or maybe it was a tongue. It glided over my chapped lips again and again, her touch gentle as it moved and pressed. This was merely an act of moisturizing, out of care, unrelated to lust.

“Doesn’t hurt now, right?” she asked, her tongue still on my lips, her voice steady and her breath calm. 

So, the ruffled breath in the dark was mine, not hers. 

Enough of this intimacy that has nothing to do with intimacy. Enough of this unthinking teasing! Her hand was still caressing my back, her tongue gliding on my lips, and she was the one I loved, the one who took my heart!

I wanted to stop her, but as if something had been ignited in me, something that had been suppressed for a long time. Now it swelled fast in my heart, riding on the darkness. It swept away everything in its path, unstoppable. My spine spasmed straight, and I reached out and clasped my hand exactly on the back of her head. Irrepressibly, I pressed down, turning what seemed like a lick into an actual kiss. 

Eyes unable to see, ears unable to hear, vigilance and rationality gone, only a fire left burning in my chest, quenchable only by her. 

Thirsty, not my body, but my heart. 

Sealing lips, claiming the kiss, drawing it in, and reaching in. I tried my best to control myself. Even so, I wasn’t exactly gentle with it. How could a parched person sip and savor the water when they came across a spring? The only thing to do was to dive in and drink to their heart’s content!

A muffled grunt sounded in the dark the moment my lips clashed into her teeth, but shortly after, her breath was just as fast as mine. Perhaps this somewhat forceful advance had triggered her competitiveness, perhaps it was the sweet and salty taste of blood seeping from the cracks on my lips that had kindled her wild side. Anyway, the expected pushback or rejection didn’t happen. Instead, she came back with more force.   

Even though I knew it didn’t come from the same want as mine, I let myself indulge in it. This was a fight, a literal fight of lips and tongue. It was intense and unbridled from start to finish. The overtaking and overtaken, the domineering and domineered between lips, tongues, and teeth. My chin ached from being gripped, and the hand on the back of her head returned it by pressing down as hard as it hurt. The icy-cold water streaming down the wall trickled down my hair and my brows, but my body was still burning. I was slightly suffocated, and the world was spinning. Finally, a hard shove separated our entangled bodies, bringing everything to an abrupt halt. 

The only sound in the dark was the sound of Lian’er’s huffing, her breath heavy and ragged. I rubbed my right shoulder, which ached from the shove. Panting, I silently backed up a little on my hands and knees, putting some distance between us. Half-kneeling in the narrow space, I awaited the conversation that was bound to follow after she had caught her breath.

“Why…”

When her ragged breath had calmed down, she spoke with a hint of indignation in her tone. The first word she uttered left my heart hanging, but she then continued, “…why can you hold your breath longer than me?”

“…” What I heard didn’t seem to match what I was expecting. I slowly furrowed my brows, then responded with a dumbfounded face, “Huh?” 

This time, I heard her answer loud and clear. There was no mistaking it. “I was already out of breath. Why do you still look so chill? And you catch your breath faster than me. How is this possible? No way, I’m supposed to be better than you at breathing and qigong!” There was the sound of water splashing in the dark. She fumbled toward me and grabbed my hand, demanding, “I don’t believe it. Again!”

That “again” left me stunned. Suddenly, I was enveloped by a familiar presence, greeted by softness once again. 

However, this time, the fervor was gone. The unquenchable fire was smothered the moment I was pushed away. The burning desire died down. Fervor made you dauntless, but it never lasted. Rationality returned after a burst of passion, so all I could do was accept her in a baffled daze, but kept my lips pressed together. 

Naturally, she realized that, and after a few exploratory attempts, she backed up dejectedly, patted on my arm that she was holding, and grumbled, “What? Are you going to back out after getting me once? I don’t think so.”

What she said about “getting her” snapped me back to reality. Like an out-of-use machine, my brain sputtered back to life.

I let out a “ah” as if woken up from a dream, then I whipped my head to the side and feigned a few coughs, feeling the heat rising to my ears. Flustered, I covered my mouth and said, “Um—cough—Lian’er… let’s, uh, hold on a second, okay? How about we leave this pitch-black place first? We… we can talk about it once we get out of here… sounds good?”

In that moment when I was pushed away, I thought I was about to face some questioning, a trial I couldn’t avoid or lie in. Getting a verdict that would only send me plunging into the abyss. 

Who would have known that I would come through it in this strange way. 

Or perhaps, I was just clinging to life. 

Whether I had come through or clung to life, with no verdict in sight, I had to keep on struggling. The first thing was to leave this place, leave this narrow, dark cave that made people go out of their mind. This place made me experience a long-forgotten sense of being lost and out of control, and thus it was somewhat intimidating. Although there was nothing strange about this place, or everything… everything’s just… 

Fate makes its move, and everything just falls into place, pushing us forward into the unknown. 

Initially, Lian’er was unconvinced about my sloppy suggestion. She was still dwelling on losing out to me on holding her breath. It wasn’t until I used thirst and cold as a reason that she begrudgingly went with my suggestion. 

In the next few minutes, we straightened ourselves up and filled up our pouch and an empty water bag that we brought along with the flowing water from the wall. This subterranean water seeping out from the walls seemed to be the source of the small lake. The water gathered into a lake. It dried up and returned to the cave. It was unclear what had happened. Even though the water pooled around the source was shallow, it was sweet and clear. It quenched our thirst and cleaned us up, washing away the accumulated sand and dust from the past few days. We felt refreshed but also a lot colder.

Leaving the cave was a lot easier than entering the cave. Even though we were still moving in the dark, with Lian’er leading ahead, everything was fine. I didn’t even have to grope my way forward. I just had to hold her hand and follow her lead, staying low, ducking left and right, and climbing up one step at a time. 

Other than these simple exchanges, we weren’t talking. Behind the facade of focusing on walking was a constant stream of thoughts running in my mind, contemplating how to explain things once we got out of the cave. 

I had to give an explanation. If I kept putting it off, and she found out what it meant later, things weren’t going to end well given her temper. 

But how should I go about it? I couldn’t think of a good answer no matter how. 

I had wanted to get out of this deep, dark cave so badly earlier, but when I couldn’t come up with any explanation, I was hoping we were slower. Regardless of the pace, fast or slow, we eventually saw the sky again. 

Stars were scattered across the vast sky still. It had been just under two hours since Lian’er went into the cave, but it felt like a lifetime had passed.

In the cold night of dessert, my soaked body felt ice-cold as the wind picked up. It could be an exaggeration when I said I was cold in the cave, but now it couldn’t be more true. Looking at me, trembling and hugging myself, Lian’er just said one curt sentence, “No rush, let’s start a fire and dry our clothes first.” Then she drew her sword and went to chop some reeds and branches. I wanted to go with her and help but she stopped me and told me my only job was to channel my qi and warm myself up. But until the fire was built, I was in no mood to channel my qi and warm myself up whatsoever. 

Even so, the so-called “good” answer eluded me, or perhaps, there never was one to begin with. Sitting by the blazing fire, it warmed up my body, but not my restless heart. The burning branches were crackling. In the silent night, they sounded as if they were urging me. Staring at the burning branches for a while without blinking, I finally sighed in resignation, turned my head, and looked at her who stayed by my side. 

In the glow of the fire, Lian’er was looking at me. When I realized where her gaze lingered, I couldn’t help but purse my lips, smiled wryly, and said, “Still thinking about… what happened earlier?”

She nodded frankly, her eyes moving up, locking eyes with me, and then drifting down again. She didn’t even try to hide it. Her gaze felt tangible, making me feel uneasy. I reached my hand up to rub my nose and stopped halfway down to cover my mouth before clearing my throat, and continued, “Just now, in the cave… about what I did… do you find it… um… disgusting? Did it make you uncomfortable?”

Although it didn’t feel like it, I still needed to make sure. If she couldn’t accept it physically, then there was no point in discussing any further. 

“How could that be? Not at all.” Her answer was certain, so sure that it was comforting. But before I could be touched by her unwavering answer, she drew closer and pulled away the hand covering my mouth and said, “Although you’re acting a  little strange when doing that, it felt quite nice. But you can never be better than me. Let’s try it again?”

The campfire reflected in Lian’er’s eyes as she said that. The fire was flickering, and she was eager to try, almost like… a little wolf that had tasted blood. 

I wished I was wrong. Sighing to myself, I stopped her with my hand before she could come any closer. When my fingertips touched her soft and warm lips, my heart stirred.

Knowing that it wasn’t right, I quickly pulled myself together and looked into her eyes, and asked seriously, “Lian’er, do you know what that means?”

Stopped by me, she looked disappointed, leaning back a little lazily, and said casually, “What? Do you think I don’t know?”

“You… know?” The shock was profound. It almost made me jump, then on second thought, something didn’t feel right. I calmed myself and cautiously probed, “Then… what does it mean?”

“Oh, come on, you’re always like this, like you know everything, and I know nothing.” Lian’er gave me a disgruntled side-eye, then her lips suddenly curled into a smile, and she said, “Although I may not know a lot, I know that most people wouldn’t be so intimate with just anyone. If anyone else dares to touch even a finger of mine, I’d make them experience the most painful death. But you’re different. Since we’re the closest, we can do this. I just never thought to give it a try before.”

“Lian’er… ” I almost choked on my words. After thinking for a moment, I asked, “Where did you get this… idea?”

Perhaps she was happy to see my stunned face. Her smile was getting wider. She answered proudly, “When I first founded the stronghold, one of my people colluded with an outsider. When they got caught, they were doing that. Dong Sun said that was the most intimate thing in the world. You can only do that with your closest person. A person who does that to everyone has no shame. Plus she betrayed the stronghold and deserved to be killed, so I got rid of her. Well, there are things about me you don’t know, right? ”

Looking at the flickering flames, silently listening to her story, I understood her, but at the same time, I didn’t know what to say. When Lian’er noticed my silence after she finished, she nudged me and said, “What? Is she wrong?” It was then I raised my head, looked at her, conflicted, and said, “She’s right, but not entirely.”

She heard me but didn’t say anything, her eyes fixed on me, as if waiting for an explanation. I took a deep breath and said, holding nothing back, “Lian’er, there are many kinds of relationships in this world. You might not have understood when you were little, but you should know now, right? Master and disciple, parents and children, that’s family; Buddies and friends, that’s friendship. No matter how deep these relationships run, they don’t do that kind of thing. Only the third kind does.”

“The third kind?” She cocked her head, pondering for a moment before asking tentatively, “Other than family and friendship, there’s only one kind of relationship left, the relationship between a man and a woman, no?”

I no longer looked at her; I dared not look at her, so I turned my gaze to the fire and said in a low voice, “For me, other than family and friendship, there’s only one kind of relationship left, that’s love.”

“Love? You mean romantic love, right? What I’m saying and what you’re saying… ” The voice next to me was confused, “Is there a difference?”

Hearing her confusion, I pulled a weak smile, eyes still looking at the fire. The flames were dancing, bright and fluttery. They destroyed everything yet also purified everything. Staring at it, I said, “That’s something I cannot teach you. You have to find the answer to this question yourself. Until you find the answer, we cannot do that again.”

My voice was calm, but inside, I was nervous. Was this step too small or too big? No one could say for sure. I was forcibly given a shove by fate. Even if I was stumbling, I had to fumble my way forward. What lay ahead, whether it was a paradise or an abyss, wasn’t something I could decide.

In the midst of my melancholy, I heard Lian’er’s response next to my ear. Her voice was decisive, without a hint of hesitation, declaring, “No, I haven’t won yet.”

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